As we embark on the journey of teaching my 5-year-old son the value of chores, he’s taken on the responsibility of tidying up his toys each evening and “assisting” me with laundry and vacuuming. Sure, his idea of vacuuming often involves discovering what random items the hose can suck up (the ace of hearts was a big hit!), but hey, it’s all part of his engineering education!
We’ve also started an allowance system of sorts: $1 for spending, $1 for saving, and $1 for giving. This approach is inspired by Ron Lieber, who wrote The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money. Lieber suggests that allowances should not be tied to chores because they serve as a tool for learning financial responsibility. Our job as parents is to guide our kids in managing money—budgeting, differentiating between wants and needs, and saving for future purchases. After all, children don’t “earn” their food or shelter, either; we provide those because it’s part of our duty.
This leads to an interesting question: Should kids earn extra money through additional chores? Recently, I stumbled upon a fascinating post by Clara Jennings on social media where discussions erupted about the merits—or drawbacks—of paying children for chores. Many tasks, like cleaning gutters or washing the car, are essential but often go beyond daily responsibilities.
At first, I thought about following Jennings’ lead and offering a few extra bucks for specific tasks like raking leaves or giving the dog a bath. However, I started reflecting on my own experiences with men I’ve known. Often, household tasks are divided, but it’s typically the woman who creates the to-do list and keeps everything running smoothly. We hope our partners will help without complaint, but the mental load often falls on us, which is a chore in itself.
What I really want is for my boys to grow into adulthood equipped with essential skills for managing a household. I want them to know how to meal plan, when to clean out the fridge, and how to tackle odd jobs without needing to be told. I don’t want them to rely on their future partners for direction; I want them to be proactive.
There are countless small tasks that contribute to a well-functioning home, from deciding how much turkey to cook for Thanksgiving to figuring out how to get sticky residue off walls. By not paying them for chores, I can help ensure they understand that adulthood sometimes involves getting your hands dirty without expecting a reward.
If I start offering payment for chores, there’s a risk they might skip the less desirable tasks or pick only the fun ones. And let’s face it—adult life isn’t always a joyride. Sometimes you have to wrangle a muddy dog, and there’s no paycheck for that. So, excuse me while I show my son how to clean out a vacuum hose; apparently, someone decided to give a playing card a ride!
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Summary
In teaching my sons about chores and allowances, I believe it’s crucial not to tie the two together. By doing so, I aim to equip them with essential life skills that go beyond just completing tasks for money, helping them grow into responsible adults who can manage a household efficiently.