I was blindsided this time. There I was, at a cheerful optometrist’s office, learning for the first time in my 30-something years that I need glasses. Meanwhile, my well-mannered newly six-year-old was asking for help with Legos in the kiddie corner.
“Is she your only child?” you asked.
(Insert long, intentional pause.)
“Yep. Unless you count my husband, who acts like he’s six.”
“Wow, then what are you waiting for? She needs a sibling!”
Let me clarify something for you, my dear. Yes, you over there. Want to know why I choose not to have another child? Or why I simply can’t? Because I almost lost my life giving birth to her. If I were to endure that kind of stress on my already fragile heart again while pregnant, it could lead to severe complications for both me and the baby, possibly resulting in the loss of one or both of us. My daughter would be left without a mother and without a sibling. So that’s why.
I’ve rehearsed that monologue countless times since 2008. Not for theatrical auditions, mind you, but to respond to the insensitive comments from strangers.
Next up: the nail salon. My own fault for being selfish enough to pamper myself while my little one was at school, right?
“You have kids?” you ask.
“I have a six-year-old.”
“No more? Come on, why not?”
Because… just back off.
What if I decided to have another child, and tragedy struck? I know families who have faced unimaginable heartache, and I can’t fathom their pain when asked such intrusive questions.
Oh, here we go again.
I’m at a party for my daughter’s six-year-old friends, and there are 26 sugar-fueled kids bouncing off the walls. You try to make small talk. I get it.
“Is she your only child?” you inquire. “No siblings?”
Have you thought about how many women struggle to conceive, maintain a healthy pregnancy, or bring a baby to term? Maybe I’d prefer not to delve into such personal territory in casual conversation.
What if we hit a financial snag and lost nearly everything while raising our only child? Wouldn’t it make sense to avoid further financial and emotional turmoil by choosing not to have more kids? But hey, she needs a playmate, right?
So, still listening? Want to hear how my life was almost cut short during childbirth? I was a mere 105 pounds at seven months pregnant, in pre-term labor, and received an excessive amount of terbutaline. Suddenly, I went code blue in the hospital. They had to bring me back to life, baby in tow, and now I deal with permanent heart valve damage and ongoing heart rhythm issues. So, no, it wouldn’t be wise for me to put my compromised heart through the potential dangers of pregnancy just so my daughter can have a sibling.
That’s the reality.
If you’re interested in learning more about the journey of parenting and the complexities involved, check out our other post on Cervical Insemination. For those considering at-home options, Make a Mom offers great products like insemination syringe kits. Additionally, if you’re looking for guidance on fertility treatments, this resource is invaluable for first-time IUI procedures.
In summary, the decision to have more children is deeply personal and can be influenced by various factors, including health risks and financial stability. Be mindful of the questions you ask others; they might be grappling with challenges you know nothing about.
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