It’s Wednesday evening, and I’m gearing up for a dinner date with a friend. No babysitter needed, and I’m free from the chaos of tiny hands and scattered toys. Honestly, preparing to go out is a breeze when you’re not dealing with a four-year-old who’s throwing a fit because you handed her a pink plate instead of the blue one.
My friend asks, “Don’t you feel guilty for enjoying your time away from her?”
Um, absolutely not!
This is my new normal. I can get ready without a hitch, return home whenever I please, and even take spontaneous trips to L.A. with minimal notice. Welcome to the life of a weekend mom, at least for me.
Before I found myself in this role, I had never heard the term “weekend mom.” It describes mothers who have visitation rights rather than full custody. When my daughter’s father and I decided she would live with him, I faced backlash from all sides.
“But… you were such a great mom. What changed?”
“It’s heartbreaking that you can’t handle your child.”
“Oh, did you fall into drugs?”
“Not everyone is cut out for motherhood.”
And my personal favorite: “I wish I could be that selfish. I love my kids too much to do that, though.”
First off, to those who think it’s acceptable to say such things, I’d like to say, “Thanks for your unsolicited opinion.” But I also want to add, “I forgive you.” It’s not entirely your fault we live in a society that expects mothers to be perfect.
Here’s the truth: allowing my daughter to live with her father was the hardest yet most rewarding decision I ever made for her. My ex and I made this choice for various reasons. Some were for our daughter—better schooling, more sports opportunities, growing up with her sister, and having two parents in her life. Others were for me—I wanted to leave my corporate job and work for myself, which I can now do, granting me financial flexibility and the chance to focus on self-improvement.
Selfish! Bad mom! Alert! That’s likely what many think when they hear about my parenting choices.
The most damaging stereotype of being a weekend mom is the notion that you’re not as good, present, or loving as a full-time mom. In fact, not seeing my daughter daily makes me a better mom. With shared parenting, I can give her more quality time during our visits than I did when I was her primary caregiver.
Choosing this path is incredibly tough, and it’s a decision I didn’t make lightly. Yes, there are moments when I feel my heart is breaking from missing her, and yes, I don’t see my mom friends as much. But amidst the sadness, I find joy in knowing how happy she is and relishing the freedom to take a breath—something I didn’t do during the four years (plus pregnancy) that we spent together full-time.
The social stigma surrounding weekend moms serves no purpose other than to perpetuate the idea that mothers who don’t parent full-time are inadequate, while fathers are only primary caregivers if the mother fails. The best way to combat this stigma is to confront it head-on.
I don’t feel guilty about enjoying my time away from my daughter. I miss her every single day. I have no regrets about my decision, but I do worry about her constantly. I’m a loving mom, and I know you are too. You might think you could never do what I did, but you never truly know until you’re in that position.
So, to those who judge me, I say, “Thanks for your opinion, and I forgive you.”
For more insights into parenting and home insemination, check out our other blog post on privacy policies, as well as resources on enhancing fertility from Make a Mom and the CDC.
Summary
The author reflects on her experience as a weekend mom, sharing the challenges and joys of co-parenting. Despite societal judgments, she embraces her choice to prioritize her daughter’s well-being while also seeking personal freedom. The piece highlights the importance of confronting stereotypes and finding happiness in shared parenting.