As often happens, my birthday turned out to be a mirror reflecting my current life state. Turning 40 felt like a significant milestone, encapsulating the essence of my reality. A few weeks prior, I posted a picture on Instagram showcasing my reading material, which included titles like Reviving Ophelia and Can’t We Talk about Something More Pleasant? A friend aptly pointed out that these selections illustrated I was in my “panini years”—squeezed between generations, and oh, how true that is!
These years are filled with the richness and complexity of life, bursting with responsibilities, love, and the relentless demands of daily existence. Life isn’t perfect, marked by work-related stresses and health uncertainties, but it is undeniably wonderful. If I’m honest, I had mixed feelings about hitting the big 4-0. It was a blend of vanity, health concerns, and a general discomfort with time marching on. The reminders of its passage often do not bring joy. Yet here I stand, on the other side, grateful to be where I am. Life is more vibrant and emotional than ever before.
The Contradictions of Forty
Forty is a blend of contradictions. It’s the realization that these truly are days filled with miracles and wonder, all while knowing that this season is finite. It’s a mix of solemn awareness of what lies ahead and deep appreciation for what is now. Picture this: toggling between John Denver and Katy Perry on the radio, singing along to both Cat Stevens and Taylor Swift, with memories connected to both CSNY and One Direction.
At this age, I’m knee-deep in overseeing homework, shuttling kids to sports practices and games. I reflect on the wisdom shared years ago—that some of the best chats with teenagers happen in the car. By 40, many, if not most, of the big questions that loomed over my youth have been answered, leading me to embrace the reality those answers have created.
I cherish the moments when my children still seek goodnight hugs and the sweet-dream head rubs before bed. When they ask to snuggle when my partner is away, I never say no; it may be one of the last times they do. Yet, forty also brings more emails filled with news of illness than joyous baby announcements. It’s a time of acceptance that hockey practice on Friday evenings means no adult plans, ever. I now spend considerably more time with the parents of my kids’ teammates than with other adults, and I actually love it.
The Importance of Connections
Friendships with women who truly walk alongside me become vital. Nourishing those connections, remembering birthdays, and checking in regularly is essential. At this age, I keenly sense that the carousel of life is spinning ever onward, with this being the peak view. I observe the decline of some elders while witnessing the blossoming of younger generations, taking a moment to breathe in the beauty of it all, knowing change is inevitable.
Forty means seeing my mother’s hands reflected in my own and realizing my daughter is much closer to college than I am. It’s about accepting that the person in the mirror—a middle-aged woman—is indeed me. It’s sobering to recognize that there are more years behind us as a family than ahead. Every day, I’m aware of the goodbyes and transitions on the horizon yet remain thankful for the present. Parenting feels like it just keeps getting better, even knowing this chapter will eventually close, sooner than I’d like.
Embracing Imperfections
I’ve missed the boat on wearing red lipstick, always believing I’d master that look “later.” Well, “later” has arrived, and it’s too late! Forty also means trying on dresses that feel a bit too short and still rocking a bikini, but perhaps not for much longer.
I’m learning to dance with the imperfections of life, as Anne Lamott puts it. A troublesome hip and mysterious abdominal pain (yes, I’m consulting a doctor, but no answers yet) ebb and flow from minor to unbearable. Still, I’m running and living my life with determination, refusing to let discomfort dictate my actions.
On my birthday, a day filled with chores, errands, and a candlelit family dinner, I realized it was exactly what I wanted. It’s a newfound understanding that I crave more of these moments.
For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource. And if you’re exploring the journey of self insemination, don’t forget to visit this site for some practical tools you might find useful.
Summary
Turning 40 offers a unique perspective on life, filled with contradictions and emotional depth. It’s a time for reflection on family, friendships, and the inevitable passage of time. Embracing these moments is key, as is acknowledging the importance of self-care while navigating the complexities of adulthood.