Updated: June 3, 2021
Originally Published: August 6, 2015
Childbirth classes felt like a must for me during my pregnancy. As a bit of a control freak, I wanted to be armed with all the facts, especially since I was expecting twins. With a notepad in one hand and a growing belly in the other, I soaked up everything I could. But once I delivered, I quickly realized there were many things that nobody had prepared me for. Maybe everyone assumes that once you’ve experienced childbirth, you’ve reached the peak of chaos, so why bother sharing the unexpected bumps along the way?
With that in mind, I’m here to share some of the eye-opening experiences I had post-delivery that would have been nice to know about in advance:
1. Panic Mode Engaged
I thought I was ready for my c-section, but when they sat me up to administer the epidural, panic hit like a ton of bricks. The sight of all the equipment and bustling nurses made it clear: I was about to lose control. I wanted to scream for a timeout, but instead, I just nodded and tried to stay calm.
2. C-Section Pain – Not What I Expected
I assumed a c-section meant I’d be blissfully drugged and pain-free. Instead, I was met with an agony that made my first post-op shower feel like a torture session. Standing straight was a challenge, and I found myself hunched over in pain for weeks. I guess some women bounce back quickly, but I felt like I had wrestled a bear.
3. Surprise! More Exits Needed
After the babies and placenta were out, I was shocked to discover that my body still had more to expel. One moment I was enjoying pudding, the next I felt something slip out. Talk about a shocking interruption to a conversation with my mother-in-law!
4. The Mesh Panties Dilemma
Ah, the infamous mesh underwear! These glorious garments are essentially a bonding experience with your newborn. You might want to invest in some soothing ice maxi pads to help you feel a bit more normal down there.
5. The ‘Massage’ You Don’t Want
Did you know the nurses give you a stomach massage after delivery? I certainly didn’t! It’s supposed to help your uterus contract, but calling it a massage is misleading. It’s more like an aggressive reminder of what just happened.
6. The Staples Situation
After a c-section, the staples holding you together have to come out – surprise! I didn’t even think about that until the nurse appeared with pliers. My heart raced, but thankfully, it was less painful than I expected. The nurse’s joke about a second row of staples nearly sent me through the roof!
7. Hello, Magnesium
Post-delivery, I was put on magnesium because of pre-eclampsia, which turned me into a sleepy mess. I was so drowsy that I nearly dozed off with a spoonful of pudding in hand. Not the best way to spend those first days with your newborns.
8. Breastfeeding Woes
I started pumping for my NICU babies, but my production was underwhelming. When a cleaning lady commented on my empty pump, I realized breastfeeding might be trickier than I thought. And flat nipples? Who knew that was even a thing? After consulting a lactation nurse, I decided that formula might be more my speed.
9. The Hospital Fart Requirement
Before you can leave the hospital, you need to fart. Yes, really! The pressure made me anxious, especially with everyone waiting for me to pass gas. I practically celebrated when I finally managed a small victory!
10. Goodbye Shame, Hello Reality
I learned that my sense of shame would take a backseat to reality after giving birth. A nurse’s aide helped me in the bathroom, and I realized that modesty had no place in motherhood. I no longer cared about the little things; my focus shifted entirely.
And let’s not forget the dreaded post-partum poop, which is an entirely unique struggle of its own. My friends and I still laugh about that terrifying experience. Spoiler alert: you’ll get through it, and life will carry on!
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In summary, the journey of motherhood is filled with surprises, and it’s a wild ride that nobody can fully prepare you for. From unexpected panic attacks to overcoming the loss of modesty, every mom has her own unique story of post-birth experiences.