As my high school senior, Jake, gets ready to embark on his college journey, I’ve been reflecting on my parenting style—let’s call it “Selective Denial.” This approach assumes my sweet boy would never dream of dabbling in girls, drugs, or alcohol. But let’s be real: it’s time to face reality.
So, just in case my “Selective Denial” fails me, I’ve started throwing out some key nuggets of advice when the moment feels right—usually after a thought-provoking segment on NPR. For instance, “Seriously, don’t even think about trying heroin! It could be your last mistake!”
This strategy has served us well, but with Jake heading to Big U, Partytown Campus, I found myself with a whole new batch of things to say. I decided to compile these insights into a list, which I plan to drop into casual chats with a knowing look, peeking over my glasses for that extra touch of wisdom. Here’s how I envision our conversations going:
Jake: Can I grab a drink, Mom?
Me: You know, you really don’t have to drink just because your friends do.
Jake: What’s your deal?
Me: Just remember: arrive together, leave together. No one gets left behind!
Jake: Fine.
Me: And if someone hands you a drink, don’t just take it—get your own!
Jake: Seriously, Mom?
Me: Shots might seem fun, but they can really mess with your judgment.
Jake: Were you listening to NPR again?
Me: Trust me, you never want to be the most intoxicated person in the room.
Jake: I can’t even right now.
Me: If twerking sounds like a good idea, it’s time to rethink your choices!
Jake: Can you not?
Me: When the mood shifts from funny to sad, that’s the cue to call it a night.
Jake: Mom, please!
Me: If either of you is a hot mess, don’t add to it—make smart choices about intimacy.
Jake: Ugh!
Me: Same goes for tattoos—think it through!
Jake: Seriously, stop!
Me: And never get into a car unless you’re absolutely sure the driver is sober.
Jake: I’m outta here!
Me: Use that crosswalk like I taught you!
Jake: (sighing dramatically)
Me: If you’re debating calling 911, just do it—better safe than sorry!
Jake: (slams the door)
Me: And remember, they call it a walk of shame for a reason, so clean up your mess!
Reflecting on all this, I might just be onto something with my “Blurt Parenting” technique. If it works, maybe I’ll write a book. If not, I’ll need a new game plan for our middle schooler. Fingers crossed!
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Summary
As my son prepares to head off to college, I’ve compiled some unconventional wisdom about drinking and decision-making that I plan to casually share. This “Blurt Parenting” approach might just keep him on the right path, while also preparing him for the realities of college life.