Now that I’ve entered my 40s, I find my friends dispersed across the country. Our connections vary—mostly through Facebook, emails, and the occasional visit when we’re in the same area. While I have a couple of high school and college pals I struggle to see despite our busy lives and complicated family dynamics, my local circle includes everyone from single parents and gym buddies to community theater enthusiasts and couples with kids I’ve known for two decades.
But there’s this one friend, Sarah, who made a lasting impression within the first year of our friendship. One day, she strolled into my kitchen, looked me straight in the eye, and in her calm, reassuring voice, asked, “Did I do something to upset you?” My eyes filled with tears before she even finished speaking, and I found it hard to look her in the eye as I responded.
Never before had a friend been so direct and genuinely concerned about our relationship. Typically, I was the one chasing down any rifts—if I had the courage to do so at all. And I often questioned the responses I received, as no one seemed interested enough to seek clarity from me.
In many of my friendships, I carried a burden of insecurity. I often felt like I was guessing, trying to decipher what was really happening beneath the surface—despite whatever my friends were saying—always giving them the benefit of the doubt. But was that really fair to me?
As our conversation came to a close that day, Sarah said, “It’s crucial to be able to discuss the friendship itself.” Suddenly, I felt more at home in the space around us and could finally hold her gaze for more than just a fleeting moment.
There’s immense power in vulnerability, in expressing to someone, “I value this relationship, and I sense it might be strained. I recognize I may have hurt you—please share so we can mend it.” That was the first time I truly felt cared for, supported, and encouraged to be open about my feelings.
This approach has stuck with me. We don’t always need grand gestures to resolve misunderstandings anymore; sometimes a quick chat on the spin bike or a few text messages do the trick. Of course, there are still moments when emotions overflow, especially when life’s other stresses pile up.
Sarah, also a writer, and I frequently exchange ideas. I texted her to say I was planning to write about our “meta-discussions” regarding friendship—unless she had something similar in the works. She replied, “I thought that was just called communicating.”
This article was originally published on Aug. 2, 2015.
If you’re looking to dive deeper into topics surrounding fertility and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. For practical tools, you might want to explore this home insemination kit for your journey. And if you’re interested in more insights, check out our other blog post on this topic.
In summary, navigating adult friendships requires open communication and vulnerability. By having honest discussions about the state of our relationships, we can foster deeper connections and understanding.