Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: July 31, 2015
I know, I know—it’s a classic saying, but time really does fly. In many ways, life is a bit simpler now compared to those early days filled with dirty diapers, struggling with car seats, and the occasional meltdown. However, some things remain the same (think smelly sports gear, shuttling kids around, and yes, the sporadic tantrum).
For me, the most significant hurdle in parenting an almost-teenager is finding that sweet spot between the freedom they crave and the boundaries I’m comfortable with. Though I’m not a helicopter parent, I realize that today’s world is vastly different from the one I grew up in, where my friends and I would roam freely without a care in the world.
The idea of letting my son have some independence is appealing. We live in a relatively safe neighborhood, and I’d much prefer he go for a bike ride around the block rather than get lost in a violent video game. But letting him venture outside is a gamble, especially when his still-maturing brain doesn’t fully grasp the dangers of racing his buddy down the street on two wheels. So, how does a parent navigate the balance between granting freedom and ensuring safety?
I can’t be the only one facing these challenges, so here are five tips I use to maintain that balance of freedom and responsibility with my almost-teen (most of the time—I’m not claiming to be perfect!).
- Stay in the Loop: Make sure you know where your child is, who they’re with, and what time they’re expected home. Being clear about these details helps manage any unexpected changes to the plan.
- The Phone Rule: Most kids have phones these days. My rule? If I call, you answer. If I text, you respond in a timely manner. If not, you can forget about that next trip to the local sandwich shop with your friends!
- Know Their Circle: Get familiar with your kid’s friends. Ensure your home is a welcoming place for them to hang out (consider creating a cozy space for them to chill).
- Social Media Savvy: Is your child on platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, or Ask.fm? Don’t stick your head in the sand! Understanding their social media presence is crucial. At our house, the guideline is simple: I pay for the phone, so I have the passcode. I know the apps my son uses, and we’re Instagram buddies (as long as I keep my comments to myself).
- The 3 Cs: My go-to strategies are communication, consistency, and consequences. If I clearly lay out my expectations and they aren’t met, I stick to my word and enforce a consequence. Of course, what that consequence is will vary based on their age and the rule they broke (taking away devices usually does the trick!).
As kids grow, they will naturally seek more freedom, while parents will always aim to keep them safe and accountable. Reframing the conversation as a compromise rather than a struggle can make things smoother—think of it this way: you may not be as responsible as I’d like, but you’ll have to live with less freedom than you wish for. This way, we can avoid a lot of drama—at least until puberty kicks in, and that’s a whole new saga!
For more insight, check out our terms for additional context on these parenting challenges. And if you’re looking for support on home insemination, consider visiting Make a Mom for an authoritative guide.