Dining with my family demands a colossal amount of patience and emotional resilience. By the end of the meal, I often feel like flipping the table and can barely remember if I’ve eaten anything at all. Did I actually have a meal, or did my kids stealthily swipe all the food from my plate while I was busy tending to their endless needs?
Don’t get me wrong; dinner isn’t entirely torturous. I genuinely enjoy hearing about my kids’ days at school or camp, and I’ve become quite skilled at pretending to be interested in their latest gaming exploits. There’s something ridiculously adorable about how they prop their chubby little elbows on the table, smearing spaghetti sauce all over their faces—yes, I actually like watching that! And sometimes, we all erupt into fits of laughter because my youngest pulls off an epic fart.
These are the moments we treasure, but they don’t lessen the glaring downside of family dinners: I rarely get to enjoy my food.
Enter the “Second Dinner”:
Before we gather around the table, I whip up a plate of food and stash it in the microwave. Then, I create a “dummy plate”—a decoy that my family believes is my actual dinner, but really just has a few bites arranged for show. I sit down with my charmingly chaotic family, pretending to eat while they enthusiastically make a mess. (The food on the dummy plate? That’s for the dog.)
Once the kids are tucked in bed and my husband has dozed off on the couch after binge-watching some conspiracy show, it’s time for my real dinner—my Second Dinner. I heat my food to perfection and indulge in the entire meal, all alone, in blissful silence. No smacking, no slurping, no spills, and no tantrums. Just me savoring every bite in peace. Sure, I have to wait a couple of hours, but honestly, that anticipation makes the food taste even better!
Some may see Second Dinner as a selfish act, but it’s all for the greater good. Knowing that a delicious meal awaits me makes me much more tolerant of the chaos at the first dinner, which, let’s be honest, is a critical part of my children’s future therapy bills.
Before I embraced Second Dinner, I often found myself biting my tongue during meals. On particularly stressful days, I might have lashed out about how my family was clearly raised by wolves. My husband sounds like a mix between Darth Vader and a swamp creature when he chews, but I can’t blame him; he has allergies that make it hard to breathe through his nose. And my children, like most little ones, can be downright messy and a bit rude during meals, pushing their plates away in disgust.
However, I’m committed to teaching them table manners because I don’t want my future in-laws thinking I’m a terrible mother. Each night consists of repeated reminders: Chew with your mouth closed, say excuse me, use your fork, and please, for the love of all things holy, get your foot off the table. It’s exhausting!
But with Second Dinner, I can relax during the first meal, enjoy the chaos, and not feel the need to rage. I can lean back, fake a few bites here and there, and appreciate my wonderfully messy family. Because I love them dearly, but I don’t necessarily want to dine with them. And now, thanks to Second Dinner, I don’t have to!
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Summary:
Navigating family dinners can be a chaotic experience filled with noise and interruptions. The author introduces a clever solution called “Second Dinner,” where a delicious meal is patiently awaited until after the kids are in bed. This allows for enjoying food in peace while still cherishing the unpredictable moments of family life.