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There’s No Such Thing as ‘Too Social’ to Be Autistic
by Jamie Taylor for Home Insemination Kit
Updated: Jan. 17, 2018
Originally Published: July 27, 2015
We are the proud parents of two daughters on the autism spectrum, and their social challenges could not be more different.
Before Mia received her diagnosis, I often heard people describe her as “just shy” or “serious.” She would find herself overwhelmed in large gatherings, and loud noises would send her into a spiral of anxiety. Mia is definitely seen as an introvert and isn’t one to show a lot of affection—when she does, though, it’s absolutely heartwarming.
I fondly recall Mia at the tender age of four, two years prior to her diagnosis, coming home from kindergarten perplexed over a peer wanting to hold her hand during a sing-along. When I asked her why she refused, she simply said, “I don’t know her. If I don’t know her well, I don’t want her touching me.” Fair point, I thought.
Now, let’s chat about her sister, Bella. Bella is a whole different story. Before she was diagnosed with ASD, I was told she couldn’t possibly be autistic because she was “too social.” Bella thrives on interaction, often running up to strangers at the library just to ask them to read her a story. Affectionate and cuddly, she makes friends effortlessly and is adored for her warm and inviting nature.
So how can two girls with such opposing personalities both be on the spectrum? Here’s the scoop: being introverted or extroverted has no bearing on autism. It’s a bit like being right- or left-handed.
While Mia struggles with the nuances of friendship, grappling with the how’s and why’s of social interactions, Bella faces challenges in understanding appropriate behaviors and respecting others’ personal space. Mia perceives friendships as a maze of grey areas—complex and confusing, full of rules that baffle her. In contrast, Bella doesn’t yet grasp that you can’t just waltz up to a stranger and plop down in their lap because you think they look friendly.
Neurotypical individuals often navigate social interactions without even trying. Things like comforting a sad friend, making new acquaintances, or responding to compliments can be daunting tasks for some. For others, they require intense effort and planning.
Teaching proper social etiquette can be a real challenge, requiring a good bit of patience. For Mia, we often use “comic strip conversations” to break down social scenarios, helping her to understand the feelings of others. I’ve also found simplified books to be incredibly useful for her, providing tools she can add to her social toolbox.
With Bella, we focus on emotions and facial expressions, discussing how our words can impact others. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood is a fantastic resource for us, with episodes that serve as social stories about everything from going out to handling sadness. And let’s not forget Daniel Tiger’s engaging app that dives into feelings too.
We also found a book that helped Bella understand personal space, and using hula hoops has provided a great visual for what that space looks like—especially during outdoor meals.
It’s crucial to realize that being “shy” or “outgoing” doesn’t define autism. Those on the spectrum can be both! If only more people understood how misguided these stereotypes are.
I see you, girls. Or at least I try to, and I think you’re absolutely amazing.
This piece was originally published on July 27, 2015. For more insightful resources, check out Kindbody Blog, and if you’re curious about home insemination, visit Intracervical Insemination for more details. You can also learn from experts at Make a Mom.
Summary:
This article discusses the diverse social challenges faced by two autistic sisters, highlighting that being shy or outgoing does not define autism. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the spectrum and recognizing that both introverted and extroverted traits can coexist in individuals with autism. The author shares strategies for teaching social skills and offers valuable resources for parents navigating similar experiences.