Let’s set the scene: the minivan. I often tune into pop radio during car rides, thanks to my kids’ obsession with tunes from former Disney stars. Honestly, I don’t mind this generation’s pop music; I groove to most of it. But every time I hear a track like Selena Gomez’s “Love You Like a Love Song,” I can’t help but think, where are the love songs for us, the middle-aged married crowd?
Now, before you roll your eyes, I’m fully aware that I’m 38. My friends my age joke about how we’re far from middle-aged—“Fortysomething is the new 29-ish!” they say, even if my knees creak when I try to dance and I find myself dozing off after just one glass of wine. But let’s get real: the average life expectancy for American women is 81. Yep, we’re in that middle stage.
Still not convinced? Ask yourself this: Are you more thrilled about a romantic evening or a hot cup of coffee? If you’re nodding your head, I get you.
There are some perks to having a few decades under our belts. In our middle-aged marriages, we truly understand one another. He knows that his back issues might put a damper on certain nighttime escapades, and I know that while I’m not slipping into sexy lingerie, if he’s willing to slide off that oversized T-shirt, I’m game. It’s not all candlelit dinners and seductive glances, but we’re experts at pinpointing each other’s sweet spots—especially since we have about 10 to 12 minutes of uninterrupted time before a kid or pet barges in.
That’s why I struggle to connect with modern pop love songs. And watching Selena Gomez charm my kids as a wizard doesn’t help either. Take her lyrics in “Love You Like a Love Song”: “You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible / A centerfold, miracle, lyrical / You saved my life again.”
Let’s be real—my life doesn’t mirror her lyrics. Here’s my version: “Love You Like a Milk Run”:
I forgot the milk, So you saved me again by picking some up. While you’re at the store, can you grab PB, honey? Yes, another jar, so the kids can munch when lunchtime comes. You’re a lifesaver, 'cause I’ve been to the store two times now, Dependable, huggable, marital. When you get home, baby, We’ll have some fun after Netflix—maybe. [Chorus] I, I love you for getting a gallon, I, I love you for getting a gallon, I, I love you for getting a gallon, So I’ll be rubbing your feet-feet-feet-feet-feet-feet.
And it’s not just Selena who misses the mark. If you’re a fan of Taylor Swift (and who isn’t?), you might know “Blank Space,” a dramatic anthem about dating while under the influence of meds. Sure, it’s catchy, but relatable when you have kids, pets, and houseplants to consider? Not so much. Our blank spaces are now filled with unread books and the longing for peaceful naps, not spontaneous getaways.
So what’s a relatable tune for us fabulous ladies in the middle? I present “Blank Stare”:
I can’t see it. Where’s it gone? Left my libido somewhere, I swear. Nightstand? Closet? Push-up bra? I used to be eager, oh my God, This is not me; yesterday I was 20. Sex drive has gone away-ay, New panties 'cause I try. I read about this in a magazine, “How to Please an Aging Guy.” And I know it’s ’bout you and me. So hey, let’s stretch first, Surely it can’t get any worse Than when we tried that GD swing— I couldn’t even stand straight for most of that weekend. [Pre-Chorus] This is gonna be forever, Or it’s perimenopause. Want to nap ’til it’s over, Think some lube will help the cause. Got a long list of desires, But just not in my loins. And I know you’d love some fire Down in my groin. [Chorus] ‘Cause we’re older than we once were, We could pull a hammy, sure. But I’m the madam to your sir, So lock the bedroom door. Got a long list of new ailments, Hormonal, not insane! Explains this blank stare, baby, Let’s try again?
If you’re looking for real inspiration, how about grooving to Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”? The opening line, “I’ve been really tryin’, baby,” perfectly encapsulates the essence of middle-aged intimacy. But keep pushing forward, because one upside to sex in your 40s is you no longer have to explain to a 20-year-old just how to get it right.
In conclusion, our love songs may have evolved, but the spirit remains the same. We just have a different rhythm now. For more insights into family planning and home insemination, check out this informative post. And if you want expert advice on home insemination, look no further than Make A Mom. For additional resources on pregnancy and related topics, visit Progyny.