“Goodnight, Dad.”
“‘Night!” I wave from the couch, relishing the freedom of the Netflix era of parenthood. Having tweens is a mixed bag, but one of the best perks is their ability to tuck themselves in and sleep soundly through the night. Yes, please!
So, as I hit the big 4-0, my focus wasn’t on new laugh lines or the inevitable sagging skin. Instead, I thought, “I deserve some serious pillow time to make up for the decade of sleepless nights spent wrangling toddlers.”
Then one evening, after kissing my partner goodnight, I settled in, dreaming of uninterrupted sleep until my bladder or a house fire would finally wake me up.
“Zzzz….”
What on earth was that?
“Hey, did you say something?” Silence. My partner, Mark, has an uncanny ability to fall asleep the moment his head hits the pillow. Just as I started to drift off, I heard it again: a strange choking sound escaping his nostrils, “Znh!”
Oh, no he didn’t!
Being the caring wife I am, I gently nudged him awake. He shot up like I’d just poked him with a stick. “What?”
“Roll over! You’re snoring!” I whispered with irritation.
And thus began my new chapter of nighttime disruptions.
Initially, it was a rare occurrence—maybe once weekly. Now, it’s a nightly symphony of snores. I’ve always struggled to fall asleep; I need two things: total darkness and absolute quiet. This new nightly concert was a major issue. Seriously? Just when I finally achieved the holy grail of parenthood—consistent sleep—my partner was now my bedtime nemesis? Unbelievable!
“I think we might need separate bedrooms from now on,” I declared dramatically.
“Oh, really? Should we just get separate houses while we’re at it?” he quipped.
“Yay! I want the bigger one! You can have the shed out back and come over for visits.”
When we shared our hilarious “separate rooms” plan with friends, they were less amused and more concerned (sorry, Aunt Sue!). Yet, both Mark and I found it absolutely hilarious. And honestly, it turns out we’re not the only couple dealing with this noisy dilemma.
Bring up the topic of snoring, and couples will point fingers faster than if you asked who’s worse at loading the dishwasher. Many are sleeping in different rooms, on couches, or even in their kids’ rooms—using “bonding time” as an excuse just to get some rest!
For now, we’ve found a workaround. My nightly routine includes setting my alarm, plugging in my phone, and then… plugging in my earplugs. I discovered some that muffle Mark’s snores but still let me hear important sounds, like tornado warnings or the unmistakable sound of a kid losing their dinner in the bathroom.
I count myself lucky: Mark is slim, and when he snores, it’s more like the sound of small branches snapping than a chainsaw. I’ve endured nights with larger partners who had diagnosed sleep apnea, and let me tell you, that’s a whole different level of torture. Those folks could wake the dead!
If you’re dealing with this issue, you know it’s no laughing matter. Lack of sleep is a serious problem. During my nursing training, I learned that sleep deprivation impacts performance similarly to being drunk. Plus, heavy snorers often aren’t getting enough oxygen at night, leading to mood swings and irritability. There are sleep clinics that can diagnose sleep apnea, so clears throat and adopts a commercial voice ask your doctor if you think this might be an issue for your partner or a loved one. And if your snoring spouse won’t visit a sleep clinic, you can find various over-the-counter devices to discreetly place on their nightstand. (Psst: Offering a little extra affection if they wear them can be a great motivator!)
For the record, Mark insists that I snore too, but I don’t believe it. I mean, I’ve never heard it!
This article was originally published on July 20, 2021.
In summary, navigating the snoring dilemma in a relationship can feel like a comedic nightmare. While it’s a common issue, it’s important to find solutions that work for both partners. From separate sleeping arrangements to earplugs, there are ways to reclaim your precious sleep. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if snoring becomes a significant problem; resources like IVF Babble and Make A Mom can provide support and insights.