“I’m seriously losing it! I’m trying to whip up dinner while dealing with THREE little ones, and there’s only ONE of me! Plus, I can’t even get that RIDICULOUS lightbulb into the bathroom light fixture!” That was my not-so-charming welcome for my husband, Matt, as he stepped through the door last night. No warm greetings, no smiles, and definitely no kisses—mostly because I hadn’t showered and was probably a sight to behold. Just pure frustration and a rant about lightbulbs. It was a personal low, and of course, he walked in right at that moment.
Once the chaos of dinnertime settled, I was cleaning up the kitchen when he came over, wrapped his arms around me, and said, “I’m sorry you had such a tough day.” That’s when guilt washed over me because truthfully, it wasn’t a tough day at all. It was just your average day filled with ups and downs, but nothing particularly stressful. The kids had a blast coloring, and we even turned their artwork into decorations for their cardboard tunnel. They devoured their lunch, which included applesauce and cheese. And while the twins didn’t nap, the baby managed a glorious three-hour snooze. Overall, it could have been much worse.
But then, everything just piled up on me all at once. I was sautéing mushrooms, stirring beans, and microwaving rice. The twins practically demanded I join them on the potty—seriously, they were convinced it was “too dark to pee” without the new lightbulb. Meanwhile, the baby was on a mission to destroy their art and screeched when I held her back. To top it off, the dog decided to add to the chaos by throwing up on the floor, mixing that delightful aroma with my burnt beans and spices.
So, naturally, that’s when Matt walked in—the poor guy came home to a sweaty, irritable wife and thought I’d had a bad day. After a moment of reflection, a heavy realization hit me: My husband never sees me at my best.
At my best, I’m witty, fun, and full of energy. But when things get tough, I can be short-tempered, cranky, and cold. Most days, I hover somewhere between those extremes, and while my kids often see my better side, my husband does not.
I worry that our marriage might be at risk. Does he think I’m always stressed and yelling when he’s away? Because I’m not! He misses the good moments in the morning when I’ve had my coffee and the chaos of breakfast is behind us. Those are the times I’m playful and engaged, where we snuggle up for storytime or dance around the living room.
But when does he see me? First thing in the morning, groggy and buried under requests for milk and custom toast. Then again, at the end of the day when I’m completely drained. We do have weekends, but let’s be real—weekends with little kids aren’t exactly a vacation. We occasionally manage to sneak in dates, but those moments are few and far between.
I appreciate that I can be my true self with Matt—he loves me just as I am, whether I’m wearing makeup or not. I know he cherishes the family we’ve built together. We’re partners in this adventure, but I crave those moments of being fun, interesting, and maybe even a little sexy. I want him to see that I’m more than just a frazzled mom in an applesauce-stained t-shirt. Sure, he knows I have more to offer, but how long can he hold onto that belief without seeing it?
How can I give him my best? How do other stay-at-home moms manage? Does he ever worry about this too? Perhaps this is just a phase of parenting young children. I’m hopeful that when I carve out more time for myself—time for reading, writing, thinking, and exercising—I’ll have the energy to shine in front of him too. Maybe then, I can stop losing my temper over lightbulbs and actually wear a clean t-shirt once in a while.
We both deserve that, don’t we?
If you’re interested in more about parenting and relationships, be sure to check out our other posts, including this one on terms and conditions. Plus, for those exploring options for family planning, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource for home insemination kits. And don’t forget to visit WHO’s pregnancy page for excellent information on pregnancy.
Summary
Balancing motherhood and marriage can be overwhelming, leading to moments of frustration when we feel we’re not at our best. Often, our partners only see the chaotic side of us, which can create distance in the relationship. It’s essential to find ways to reconnect and nurture our best selves, ensuring that our spouses see the fun and loving side of us amidst the chaos of parenting.