Even now, I’m not particularly keen on wedding vows. But at 43, my approach to romance has taken on a certain formality. In fact, dates often require a calendar entry! My relationships have become less about quantity and when I think about a breakup, it’s more likely to send me into a mild panic.
I wonder if this feeling is universal or just my own peculiar post-40 pressure to find and maintain a relationship. I certainly never put in this level of effort in my 20s.
Back then, even a minor detail like a guy’s shirt color could lead me to call it quits after just a couple of months. The dating pool was vast, and I had no problem moving on if someone didn’t meet my superficial standards. Honestly, I was more of a catch-and-release fisherman—more focused on the thrill of the chase than on keeping my catch.
But things shifted after I hit 35. It felt like the fishing grounds had been depleted, and I began to reconsider my carefree, sport-dating style. By 40, the dynamics of my love life had noticeably evolved. The allure of the bad boys—the proverbial sharks—started to lose their charm. Instead, I found myself drawn to the quieter, unassuming guys—the puffer fish, if you will—who lived life on their own terms without needing to prove anything.
I became sharper at recognizing red flags and less inclined to ignore them, although I was more willing to compromise on less significant matters. My standards were still there, but my must-haves became more flexible. I found depth more appealing than those chiseled abs I once coveted. Suddenly, older guys were back on the table, and I discovered that grey hair and golf clubs could be pretty attractive. Kids and ex-wives? Just part of the package now.
Gone was my catch-and-release mentality. I craved something meaningful rather than a casual fling or an entertaining distraction. While marriage still didn’t appeal to me, I yearned for something profound and enduring. But deep connections require hard work, patience, and a hefty dose of communication—basically, the life skills I was still working on developing.
I learned how to face issues directly instead of avoiding them. Learning to articulate my needs while respecting those of my partner was a new challenge for me. My younger self was often bratty and self-absorbed when it came to relationships, but hitting 40 prompted me to focus on self-improvement. It was a true game-changer—like Zen training for becoming a better fisherman.
Now, at 43, I’m happily involved with a significantly older man. He’s got the charming grey hair, enjoys a round of golf, and has two grown kids from a previous marriage. He’s not running marathons or spending hours at the gym, and honestly, that’s okay by me. He’s an introvert, which is probably why we work so well together. These days, I prefer cozy nights in with a good book or a movie over wild nights out.
If my 20-year-old self could see me now, she’d probably be chuckling in disbelief. But here’s the kicker about turning 40—I’ve learned to stop caring what anyone else thinks, especially those who are two decades younger than me. My confidence has soared, and I feel a harmony between my spirit, mind, and body that I’ve never felt before. Sure, I might not be hitting the trendiest clubs or attending sold-out concerts anymore, but I’ve found a deeper sense of peace. I’ve happily traded the skinny jeans for comfort and have zero desire for a selfie stick to capture my non-existent late-night escapades.
Maybe that’s the essence of it—embracing acceptance, gaining wisdom, and cultivating inner peace. Yes, turning 40 is transformative, but change is undeniably good. And much like the man by my side at 43, who also has a distinct aversion to forest green, I’ve learned to appreciate the beauty in the unexpected.
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Summary:
As I navigated the dating scene after turning 40, my perspective on relationships evolved dramatically. Shifting from a carefree approach to seeking deeper connections, I learned the importance of communication and compromise. Now, I find joy in a meaningful relationship with an older partner, embracing the peace that comes with maturity and self-acceptance.