I owe you an apology.
After welcoming my first child, I found myself rolling my eyes at your Similac can and grimacing as you brought out the bottle. I admit it—I thought you fell into one of two camps. Either you were misinformed about breastfeeding—clearly, we had failed you!—or you’d chosen formula out of sheer convenience or societal pressure. I harbored contempt for you, thinking you prioritized your needs over your baby’s.
Need a full night’s sleep? You should toughen up. Going back to work? You could always pump. Planning a getaway before your little one turns one? Oh, what a heartless choice.
Yes, I truly believed those things. To me, breast was best—no, breast was the norm, and everything else was second-rate.
While I knew a few moms couldn’t nurse, I thought they were few and far between. I didn’t consider those who faced medical challenges or personal circumstances. Eventually, I met a woman who had to formula-feed for health reasons, and I would have defended her fiercely against any judgment. But still, I believed most moms could breastfeed.
So, why did I judge you, formula-feeding moms? Here comes the raw truth: it stems from my own insecurities.
You’ve likely heard it before, but nursing can be incredibly challenging. In my circle, I felt isolated—often, I was the only one breastfeeding. I constantly worried whether my baby was getting enough to eat. With my son’s milk and soy protein intolerance, I feared that my own milk might be causing him discomfort. In my new-mom anxiety, I sought validation of my choices, and I found it in the dismissive eye rolls I directed your way.
Breastfeeding became a badge of honor for me—a way to align myself with a particular parenting tribe. I’d read all the parenting books and wanted to do everything “right.” Attacking another mom’s choices gave me a fleeting sense of belonging.
But then something shifted. I grew more confident in my parenting style and realized there are numerous ways to raise a child. I started seeing the gray areas—like tongue ties, mastitis, or simply the realization that breastfeeding might not fit everyone’s lifestyle.
Do I still believe in the benefits of nursing? Absolutely. But do I think it should be mandatory? Not at all. I’ve seen too many friends turn to formula, and I understand why it’s the best choice for them.
So, to all the moms feeding with formula, I’m genuinely sorry. I regret being “that lactivist” for a time. I apologize for the eye rolls and the whispered judgments. I can’t change the past, but I can share my journey with you. If my story helps even one judgmental breastfeeding advocate reflect on their behavior, then it’s worth sharing.
And next time you witness a mom sneering at someone using formula, remember that her reaction might be rooted in her own insecurities. Feel free to glare at her in righteous anger, but also try to empathize. Everyone is just doing the best they can, even if they don’t realize it.
For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource at Kindbody. And if you’re curious about different methods of insemination, you might find this post on our site about home insemination kits quite enlightening.
In summary, let’s foster support and understanding among all mothers, regardless of how they choose to feed their babies. We’re all in this together, and every journey is unique.