Labor and delivery nurses are the unsung heroes of the hospital. They’re in and out, keeping a watchful eye on you at all hours. They check your vitals, press down on your belly (which, by the way, I wish someone had warned me about—no baby book ever mentioned the post-birth belly push that makes everything that didn’t come out tumble down your legs. Get ready for those gauzy panties and industrial-sized maxi pads!). Then they swoop in to teach you the ropes: from checking your baby boy’s temperature to giving him his first bath. It’s like Newborn Son University, where your graduation march is just the nurse wheeling you and your tiny blue bundle out of the hospital.
But let’s be real—the real education starts after you leave. Having given birth to four sons, I can tell you that the last thing I needed to learn in the hospital was how to wash my baby. If only there were workshops specifically for boy moms! Here’s a list of essential lessons that should be on the curriculum:
- How to Assemble and Disassemble Everything.
Forget just Legos. If you’re expecting your first boy, skip that Lamaze class and head to the store for a Lego set—250 pieces minimum. Dump them on the floor and practice picking up half, tossing some in the trash, and scattering the rest. Then, put that emergency vehicle set together exactly like the picture before taking it apart and reassembling it again in six months, without the directions. A crash course in assembling toys, fixing the TV, or even putting a cable box back together would be a lifesaver for many boy moms navigating the chaos of childhood. - Basic Haircutting Skills.
After having two boys, I figured out how to cut hair on my own, but a quick tutorial from a local cosmetology school would have been invaluable. Those electric clippers have numbers for a reason! A few lessons on trimming hair could save a fortune over the years. - Stitching Basics.
As someone who has sewn everything from clothes to curtains, I can assure you that stitching up a two-inch cut on a kid’s head doesn’t require a medical degree. Instead of formula samples, why not send home new moms with some Lidocaine, sterile needles, and a crash course on when stitches are really necessary? - Toilet Troubleshooting.
This goes way beyond using a plunger or Drano. Imagine learning how to remove a toilet when your son flushes a toy down! A visit from the hospital’s maintenance staff could save you a hefty plumber bill—especially if you’re eight months pregnant and dealing with a toilet crisis caused by a flushed toy train. - Anatomy Vocabulary 101.
Before having boys, I thought there were just three terms for their anatomy. Little did I know! A glossary of all the creative names boys and men use for their anatomy would have saved me many awkward conversations. - Extra Skills for the Future.
Once you think you’re prepared, you’ll need to master a few more skills, like tying a tie in the car while rushing to an event, extinguishing unexpected fires (not in the kitchen), and loading a grocery cart like a pro. Also, get ready for those inevitable button and zipper repairs as they grow. Oh, and poker skills? You’ll need those too!
As you navigate the wild ride of raising boys, being the queen of your castle will come naturally. Enjoy it, because soon enough, your home will be filled with their friends vying for your attention.
If you’re considering starting your own family journey, you might want to check out this informative resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those looking for a way to make the process a little easier, this at-home insemination kit is a great option to consider. And if you’re interested in more insights, you can find additional tips in one of our other blog posts here.