Every year, my kids eagerly await July, when the Discovery Channel rolls out its much-anticipated “Shark Week.” They even take the time to hide the remotes, ensuring we’re all glued to the screen instead of streaming something R-rated on Netflix. Apparently, the antics of sharks and their prehistoric cousins are far more thrilling than what I’d prefer to watch on a hot summer night.
For a solid week, our living room transforms into a shark-infested haven, and my husband and I find ourselves trapped in this aquatic world of terror. Why don’t we just sneak away to another room with a different TV or escape to our laptops? Because our little ones insist on sharing this “bonding experience.” After all, nothing says family togetherness quite like watching some fictionalized marine biologist chase down a toothy predator.
My own childhood fears are resurfacing as I remember the psychological scars left by Jaws. Whether it was seeing it in the theater as a kid, catching it on HBO, or enduring summer movie nights at drive-ins, that flick left its mark. Do you recall the panic it incited? People were afraid to swim in pools, rivers, or even take baths! It took us decades to get back into the water, and now the kids are forcing us to leap in headfirst during “Shark Week.” Thankfully, the frenzy wraps up just in time for our long-awaited beach getaway.
As we prepare for our family vacation to the shore—our first in three years—I realize I’ll need some creative coping mechanisms to face the ocean again. Here’s what I plan to do:
- Channel My Inner Mayor: Just like the mayor in Jaws, I’ll embrace denial. Who wants to spoil a fun summer vacation? As I pay for this beach trip, I’ll smile and reassure everyone that the water is perfectly safe. “Come on in!” I’ll say, waving them into the waves.
- Embrace a Scientific Mindset: When the water reaches my waist, I’ll adopt a curious attitude like Hooper from the movie. “What was that brushing against my leg?” I might wonder—right before I sprint back to shore! This method probably has a short shelf life, but hey, it’s worth a shot.
- Relax with a Drink: If all else fails, I can take a cue from Quint and enjoy a few drinks. A couple of cocktails might just give me the courage to sing “Show Me the Way to Go Home” and even consider a late-night swim. Just imagine the eerie Jaws soundtrack playing in the background: Duh-dunt. Duh-dunt…
- Stay Afloat: I’ll opt for activities that keep me above water, like jet skiing or sunset boat rides. After all, if my limbs are out of the water, what’s there to worry about, right? I just won’t think about the Great White that devoured Quint’s boat!
- Be Like the Chief: If the fear becomes overwhelming, I might just channel Chief Brody. Armed with a harpoon and a scuba tank, I’ll face the ocean with determination. If it worked for him, maybe it’ll work for me too!
With our beach trip to Cape Cod around the corner—and reports of Great Whites just spotted nearby—I think we’re definitely going to need a bigger boat. Thanks, kids!
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In summary, as I gear up for this beach adventure, I’m preparing to face my childhood fears with a blend of humor, denial, and perhaps a drink or two!