When our little one, Lily, was just shy of a month old, we faced a challenging time. She was hospitalized, nestled in a crib that looked more like a space pod than a bed, surrounded by a maze of tubes and wires. Each night, I watched over her, waiting for the right moment to sneak in a little closeness. As the nurses stepped out, I climbed over the crib’s edges with the agility of a tightrope walker, careful not to disturb the delicate setup. I curled myself around my tiny girl, breathing in her warmth, and it was in those moments that I felt a profound connection.
The very first time Lily stirred and reached out to nurse, I couldn’t hold back the tears. The nurses, taken aback, allowed me to share the bed with her each night, a decision that turned out to be incredibly healing for both of us. I truly believe that my presence beside her contributed to her recovery, and in many ways, it was a balm for my own heart as well.
Now, let me clarify: my family isn’t living off the grid, raising goats, or following some extreme lifestyle. We do, however, embrace the practice of co-sleeping. It’s been a part of our lives for a long time, and I would say it’s one of the more unconventional choices we’ve made in our suburban San Diego neighborhood. My husband, Mark, is great at quietly prioritizing what feels right for us, while I often find myself in conversations that veer into deeper territory, where I reveal our co-sleeping habits. The raised eyebrows and awkward shuffles are hard to ignore, but honestly, they don’t compare to the thought of missing out on those cozy nights with our kids.
From the very start, our little ones have slept close to us. We practice safe co-sleeping, ensuring that the environment is secure—no fluffy blankets or pillows, and definitely no late-night cocktails. If either of us struggled with sleep disorders, we’d reconsider, but as it stands, our nights are filled with warm snuggles and easy nursing sessions.
As the kids grow, co-sleeping evolves into something more than just safety; it becomes a nurturing sanctuary. After a long day filled with school challenges, tears, or self-doubt, our family bed serves as a space where we reconnect. When Lily wakes from a nightmare, she simply reaches out for me and whispers, “Mommy?” That little gesture reassures her and helps her drift back to sleep. Contrary to the fears I’ve heard about fostering dependency, I’ve seen the opposite in my children. The more comfort we provide, the more confident they become in self-soothing. By age 3, they’re all remarkably independent, happily spending time with friends, playing solo, and even sleeping alone when the occasion arises!
Now, about the other concern I often hear: despite our family bed, Mark and I maintain a vibrant relationship. In fact, after 13 years of marriage, our romance is thriving, with a more—let’s say—exciting dynamic than some couples I know in their twenties. Trust me; even if you’re in a small space, there are ways to keep the spark alive.
As our children mature, the concept of a family bed becomes flexible. There are nights when we share our bed with our youngest two, ages 4 and 13, while my teenager and I chat into the early hours, revealing thoughts and feelings that might not come up in the light of day.
Co-sleeping is a beautiful mix of human experiences: the hilarious moments of awkward snoring, the sweet giggles, and the simple, everyday sight of loved ones sleeping peacefully. It may be dark outside, but the warmth of family provides a shield against the uncertainties of the world, creating a space where we find comfort, peace, and connection.
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In summary, co-sleeping has been a vital part of our family’s journey, fostering intimacy, independence, and a deeper bond among us all.