- Drive Sober: If your judgment is clouded, just remember: you might as well be waiting for the car keys until you turn 30. Let’s keep it safe, folks!
- Hands on the Wheel: Your hands belong on the steering wheel at all times. Texting, eating, or getting a little too friendly with your passenger? Not happening. I know you think you can multitask, but let’s keep our focus where it belongs.
- Passenger Etiquette: If you’re rolling with friends, they better keep their hands off the wheel. This isn’t a movie; swerving into a ditch is not as fun as it looks on screen. Trust me on this one.
- No Sticky Drinks: If you think sipping a Caramel Frappuccino in my car is a good idea, think again! Last week, my steering wheel was stickier than a movie theater floor. And no, that doesn’t change if you’re bringing a grande skim latte for your mom.
- Food Aftermath: After a delightful trip to McDonald’s, please air out the car and use the Febreze from the trunk. This applies to any post-Chipotle adventures or after a sweaty game of basketball in the heat. Axe body spray won’t cut it!
- Volume Control: Keep the radio at a reasonable level. If you scare your mom when she starts the car, expect a musical payback. First, NPR will fill the house, then it’ll be Snoop Dogg, and finally, watch out for Beyoncé moves. Yes, your mother can dance… or at least she’ll try!
- Cleanliness is Key: Don’t leave your gum, straw wrappers, sunflower seed shells, or used tissues lying around. If you do, I’ll have to get the cats involved, and believe me, hairballs on your pillow aren’t a pretty sight.
- Trunk Space: My trunk is not your laundry basket. Wet towels? Dirty clothes? Find another place for those, or you might find a surprise in your beach bag.
- Gas Etiquette: Returning the car on empty is like leaving an empty Cheez-It box in the pantry—only much worse. Running out of gas is not a fun adventure! You have a gas card, so use it for something other than buying beef jerky from the corner store.
- Respect the Ride: Treat my Prius like it’s your own, because one day it just might be! If we get a new car, remember, it’s mine.
So, if you want access to the keys, just know they’re safely tucked in my pocket. My rules are the law of the land.
For more tips on navigating life’s adventures, check out some great advice on home insemination kits and learn more about the process from the experts at Make A Mom. You can also find valuable insights on fertility to guide your journey.
Summary
This guide humorously outlines the rules for driving someone else’s car, emphasizing safety, cleanliness, and respect for the vehicle. It serves as a lighthearted reminder to keep things in order while having fun on the road.