After giving birth, the thought of resuming intimacy after that six-week break can be quite daunting. You might be unsure of what to expect, and let’s be honest, body image issues can be creeping in. Sure, your partner has likely seen you in various states of undress since becoming a parent. My husband witnessed me strutting around with a breastfeeding pillow strapped to me like a life preserver during those early, chaotic days with our newborn. But everything feels different, including, well, you.
As I prepared for that first post-baby encounter, I felt a familiar wave of apprehension. The short answer? Sex was definitely going to feel different—and so was I. One thing, however, remained unchanged: I was still pretending to have orgasms.
Growing Up with a Taboo
Growing up, sex was a taboo subject, laden with negativity. The closest thing I had to a sex education was a static-filled glimpse of the Playboy channel through our TV. I entered my teenage years with the impression that sex was simple, loud, and over before you knew it. The first time I experimented with masturbation, I thought something was wrong with me because it just didn’t work. It took years before I tried again.
When I started dating my first boyfriend in high school, I was disappointed to discover that those experiences didn’t resonate with me either. During our first intimate moment, I faked my first orgasm, clueless about what one truly felt like. I assumed I was incapable of reaching that peak because things were taking too long. My first real orgasm didn’t happen until I spent a long, determined night figuring things out on my own.
Uncomfortable Conversations
Did this revelation change my sex life? Not really. I was still extremely uncomfortable discussing sex. The idea of voicing what I needed felt impossible. I didn’t want to seem demanding, and I certainly didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Society teaches girls to smile and be accommodating, but that mentality can really mess things up.
In my early twenties, I met my husband, who is wonderfully attentive and skilled in the bedroom. But I was still stuck in my old ways. The first time I faked it with him, he seemed a bit doubtful, but I insisted I had climaxed. I would mimic an orgasm after a while, thinking I had put in my time. If he continued, I’d pretend again, just to keep things moving along. He would even comment on how easily I seemed to reach those heights.
Instead of embracing the opportunity for mutual satisfaction, I stuck to my old habits. I was too embarrassed to ask for what I actually wanted, even though I knew he would be supportive. I had spent years internalizing those unrealistic portrayals of sex designed for men’s pleasure, and they haunted me.
The Larger Issue
We talk about the wage gap and how women often feel uncomfortable asking for what they need—whether it’s a raise at work, help with chores, or even an orgasm. It’s all part of a larger issue of feeling unworthy of our desires.
The problem with starting a relationship on a lie is that it only grows over time, making it harder to address. As I became more entrenched in my marriage—with a mortgage, kids, and all—I found it increasingly difficult to confront this long-standing dishonesty. My dissatisfaction with our sex life grew, but I was at a loss for how to address it without revisiting years of pretense.
A Turning Point
Then I had our second child, and everything changed. That first time having sex after giving birth? I didn’t approach it with fear this time; I saw hope instead. And yes, that might sound dramatic, but after almost a decade with my husband, I was thrilled at the mere chance of being honest about what I wanted from our intimacy.
That night, I experienced genuine intimacy for the first time. I skipped the fake noises, didn’t rush things, and communicated openly about what felt good and what didn’t. I didn’t pretend. We even figured things out together! I didn’t reach an orgasm on the first attempt, or the next, but eventually, we found our groove. After half a lifetime of sexual experiences, I was finally learning to enjoy it.
The Joy of Honesty
Let me tell you: the joy of fulfilling your desires far outweighs the initial awkwardness of asking for them. It’s a big deal, one that makes me want to stop women on the street and ask if they’re being honest with their partners about their needs in bed. Though I may not actually stop anyone, I’m sending out positive vibes in hopes that more women are enjoying their experiences.
So, don’t be like me. Be open, speak up, and let your partner know what you truly want and need in the bedroom.
Additional Resources
For additional insights on home insemination and related topics, check out this resource. If you’re looking for expert information on artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom. Also, Drugs.com is an excellent source for understanding female infertility and pregnancy.
Summary
After years of faking orgasms, the author finally found the courage to be honest about her sexual desires after the birth of her second child. Through open communication and a supportive partner, she discovered genuine intimacy for the first time and learned the value of expressing her needs in the bedroom.