Menu
- Parenting
- Navigating the Dilemma of Time Capsules for My Daughters
by Lily Harper
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: July 4, 2015
About 15 years ago, I decided to craft a charming wooden box, painted in delightful pastel hues. Inside, it holds a newspaper and various mementos. Honestly, if you offered me a million bucks, I still couldn’t tell you what those items are—though I suspect some might be pictures. Topping the box is a letter sealed in an envelope, marked with my daughter’s name and the note, “To be opened on your 18th birthday.” That envelope is tied with a lovely ribbon. Her sister received a similar time capsule, made two years later. Both boxes currently reside in their baby keepsake containers, tucked away in the crawlspace.
I remember the thrill I felt while creating those time capsules. What a joy it would be to see my girls open them and marvel at the moments captured in time. I can only imagine the bewilderment over my choice of contents; there’s bound to be something odd or quirky in there!
But it’s that letter that gives me pause. Just a little over a year before my oldest daughter was born, I experienced a miscarriage. Those who have been through this know how heart-wrenching it can be. In search of closure, I penned a heartfelt letter to my lost baby, sealed it away, and tucked it into a drawer. I stumbled upon that letter recently, filled with my joy, sorrow, and goodbyes.
If my time capsule letters reflect even a fraction of the emotion in that letter, they’ll be packed with feelings. I likely expressed my excitement and joy during the first nine months with each daughter and the overwhelming love I felt upon meeting them. I may have even included mentions of “your father and me” or snapshots of a blissful family life. Now, I regret these additions. I dread the thought of my daughters facing too many of life’s harsh truths all at once. If they read those letters, they might be overwhelmed by the stark contrast between then and now, forced to confront everything they’ve endured—including their parents’ divorce, which is just one of many challenges.
However, they seem to be thriving. Both girls are healthy, sweet, and self-motivated students who have managed to stay grounded despite the rebelliousness of some of their peers. They were aware of the time capsules at one point but may have forgotten about them. Now, I find myself weighing a few options.
One possibility is to open the time capsules myself and evaluate their contents. This way, I can decide whether to leave them untouched or modify them by removing certain references. Another option is to wait until after their 18th birthdays, allowing them to mature enough to process the letters’ emotional weight. A third route would be to open the first one when my eldest turns 18 and gauge her reaction before deciding what to do with the second one. But that seems unfair to her.
Then again, I could simply let them open the capsules at 18, as originally intended, and deal with whatever fallout ensues. Or, I could go the route of never letting them open the time capsules at all.
While none of these choices excite me, they feel more genuine than pre-screening the letters. When I sealed those envelopes and tied them to the boxes, it felt like I was gifting my future daughters something personal. The challenge is knowing when it’s time to stop shielding them from life’s realities. Shouldn’t the answer be “never”? After all, there are enough people out there ready to hurt them without me adding to that pain.
Perhaps it’s time for me to revisit why I created those time capsules. Every child loves hearing “The Story of You,” as I like to call it. My kids often ask about their early years and get a kick out of the “funny books” I’ve kept—filled with their cute and hilarious moments. By altering or withholding the time capsules, am I robbing them of a piece of their story, or have I documented enough with journals, photos, videos, and funny books already? Each time capsule embodies the truth of that moment in time.
However, these letters are also a reflection of me and my feelings towards them back then. Will knowing how I felt change anything for them when they turn 18? Somehow, it still feels like it’s about them. I find myself leaning toward postponing the entire reveal for a few more years. It seems the right moment may come when they experience their own milestones, allowing them to appreciate what I’ve preserved as part of our collective story.
This article was originally published on July 4, 2015.
If you want to explore more about home insemination and related topics, check out this resource. If you’re looking for expert advice on artificial insemination, take a look here. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource.
Summary
The author reflects on the emotional complexity of time capsules created for her daughters, filled with personal letters and mementos. While excited about the future reveal, she grapples with the potential impact of those letters, particularly in light of her own past experiences. She considers various options for handling the time capsules, ultimately leaning towards waiting until her daughters are older and can better appreciate their significance.