Lately, I’ve been pondering how you kids will only ever know me as your “mama” – the one who insists that waffles aren’t a dinner option, complains about the volume at fast-food joints, and can barely stay awake for a movie. Honestly, wouldn’t it be wild if you could glimpse the wild and carefree version of me that existed before the title of “mom” consumed my identity? So, kiddos, here are a few fun tidbits about your pre-mama days that you might find hard to believe.
1. My Vocabulary Was Colorful
I know I’ve flipped out about your casual use of “what the heck,” but I have to admit that I was once a master of cursing. I’m talking about the kind of swearing that would make sailors blush! I hurled around terms like “cocksucker” and “dickholes,” and the F-word was my go-to adjective. As the years went by, I cleaned up my act—mostly because you started repeating what I said. Now, when I slip up, it feels so alien. I apologize for being a bit of a buzzkill, but hey, you’re 3! I have to pretend your little phrases are totally inappropriate. Hypocrisy? Maybe. But let’s keep it light, alright?
2. I Was a Party Animal
One day, when you return home smelling like a party, I’ll probably have a heart-to-heart with you. I refuse to be one of those “cool moms” who lets their teenagers drink at home (trust me, they’re hiding secrets in the attic). Before you call me a total drag, just know that I used to live it up! I’ve danced on tables, sung karaoke (trust me, “Mr. Jones” is a crime against humanity), and once bought a Christmas tree at 4 a.m. and named him Henry. Sure, I did some reckless stuff, but I’m thankful nothing serious ever happened. When it’s your turn, just promise me you’ll keep it safe and responsible until you’re 21. Then we can celebrate together with some fabulous drinks.
3. I Wasn’t Always a Taskmaster
I know I can be a real nag sometimes—eat your veggies! Hurry up! Get to bed! But I promise I wasn’t always this strict. Back in the day, I could sleep until noon, eat cereal for dinner, and binge TV shows until the wee hours. Your dad and I spent countless nights glued to reality dating shows. Those carefree days seem to have vanished! Unfortunately, I have to instill some responsibility in you guys, hence the rules and routines. Trust me, I’d prefer to munch on popcorn and binge-watch “Kung Fu Panda” until dawn. How about this: this weekend, you can have waffles for dinner if I can sleep in? Deal?
4. I Used to Be the Definition of Cool
Okay, so this might be hard for you to believe, but I was once considered cool! Crazy, right? Let’s just move on.
5. I Dreamed of You Before You Were Here
Before my first curse word or my first wild night out, I had one dream: to have you as my family. In some cosmic way, I was destined to be your mom long before it actually happened. You changed my life, and while I had to let go of certain things, you gave me the most precious gift—a family. I’d trade all those wild nights again just to have you in my life.
So there you have it! A glimpse of your pre-mama mama. If you’d like to learn more about family planning and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re interested in the essentials, visit this authority on home insemination kits.
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