Moving houses is a monumental task on its own, but when you add in four kids and eight years of accumulated stuff, it can make any mom feel like she’s about to lose her mind. I’ve certainly found myself either on my knees or curled up in the fetal position in my closet, depending on the day’s chaos. Packing up everything from our old home, categorizing belongings into trash, donations, and keepsakes, all while dragging along four reluctant children, is a bit like trying to extract glass from your eye with a dull spoon. Here’s a light-hearted take on the eight stages of moving for moms:
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Blissful Denial
In the initial phase of moving, a mom is filled with optimism, convinced that “this won’t be so bad.” She believes that her months of decluttering will pay off during the packing process. She’s dreaming of color-coded containers and a seamless transition to the new home, despite the impending chaos. Selling unwanted items in a yard sale seems like a solid plan—at least for now. -
Twinges of Doubt
As she starts sorting through her family’s belongings, reality sets in. The realization dawns that 50 boxes won’t nearly suffice, and the packing will definitely take longer than three days. While she’s the only one actually packing, she comforts herself with the thought that at least she knows where everything will go in the new place. The idea of a yard sale quickly fades as her energy dips and the sheer volume of work becomes overwhelming. -
Rejection of Materialism
Welcome to the “Goodwill is about to be blessed” phase. This is when the mom decides to part with about a third of her belongings and two-thirds of her family’s stuff. The kids will suddenly become attached to toys they haven’t touched in years, creating a scene reminiscent of a rescue operation. The mom, however, is relentless, sneaking in forgotten toys back into the donation pile to prevent further rescue attempts. -
Loss of Hope
At this point, tears may flow as the mom experiences an emotional crash, much like a politician after losing an election. Progress seems non-existent, and despite her tireless efforts, the clutter remains. As she kicks stray items across the room, her children are left to reenact scenes from Lord of the Flies. -
Renewed Strength and Vigor
After days of hard work, she finally sees some progress! Loading the kids into her messy SUV along with 17 bags for Goodwill feels like a victory. After their charitable drop-off, she treats the little ones to ice cream, all while belting out Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar” in her head. -
Holy Moly
Walking back into the house feels like stepping into a war zone. The realization hits: so much more remains to be done. She hasn’t even touched the chaotic corners like the man cave or attic. Armed with a stack of garbage bags, she starts tossing everything in sight into unmarked bags—donation or trash, she doesn’t care anymore. The kids, sensing her fierce determination, scatter in panic. -
Head ‘Em Up, Move ‘Em Out
Finally, the big day arrives: everything is packed and ready for the move. The movers start loading boxes into the truck, and just when she thinks she’s done, she learns that only half will fit. This leads to a series of 15 trips to shuttle the remaining items to their new home, all while the kids provide a soundtrack of complaints along the way. -
Where Is It?!
Once everything has arrived, the mom stares in disbelief at the mountains of boxes. The kids begin clamoring for their belongings, and she realizes that unpacking will take weeks. Sending them outside to play, she pours herself a well-deserved drink and vows, “Never again!” It’s a moment that deepens her respect for nomads and gypsies.
If you’re currently navigating the tumultuous waters of moving or know someone who is, remember that it won’t last forever. And hey, you gave birth for a reason—put those kids to work! Even if they end up making a bigger mess, the mere threat of labor should keep them at a distance, allowing you to focus on the task at hand.
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Summary
Moving with kids can be overwhelming, but understanding the stages can help you navigate the chaos. From denial to acceptance, every mom faces these challenges, but at the end of the day, it’s all part of the adventure.