Naïve Parenting goes a little something like this: Before each developmental milestone your child reaches, you blissfully convince yourself that things will be a walk in the park, setting yourself up with unrealistic expectations. You think you’ve got all the answers, ready to tackle parenting like a pro. Then, reality smacks you upside the head, and you find yourself improvising like a seasoned jazz musician. Embracing denial, flexibility, and a touch of humility is essential for the Naïve Parent.
When my kids were little, I fell into the naïve trap thinking that my children would be perfect sleepers, never throw tantrums, and always appear runway-ready. Fast forward to their teenage years, and let’s just say I’m considering launching a revolution, penning a bestseller, or maybe even scoring an interview with a major talk show host. Here are some of the naïve commitments I made regarding my older kids—and how I’ve hilariously managed to unravel most of those plans:
1. Overscheduling? Not on My Watch!
Before I had kids, I would hear about parents zooming from one activity to another, munching on snacks in the car. I confidently declared I would never do that. However, one moment you’re signing up for a sweet little peewee league, and the next thing you know, you’re knee-deep in “Soccer!” or “Baseball!” with all the trimmings: winter training, spring leagues, and summer camps. And your 8-year-old wants to try another sport? Good luck fitting that into your schedule. But hey, if you’re great at Sudoku, maybe you can make it work. Family dinners? Oh, that’s what Thanksgiving is for, right?
2. Patience? Ha!
I envisioned myself as the calm, cool parent, channeling my inner Mr. Rogers—only with a cooler wardrobe. I thought any bumps in the road would be handled with serene conversations and cookies. Spoiler alert: Most discussions are louder than I anticipated, our fish passed away years ago, and my fashionable cardigan seems to have vanished. But I still remember to dish out hugs (while eating the cookies).
3. No Cell Phones for Middle Schoolers!
Who needs a phone at 12? Apparently, my son and every other middle schooler in the neighborhood. After much deliberation, my partner and I decided he could have a phone “for emergencies.” So far, it’s been mostly useful for urgent matters, such as texting to ask if he can sleep over at Alex’s or if ice cream is on the menu.
4. I Refuse to Be the ‘Embarrassing Mom’
My husband and I love making our kids laugh; it was easy when they were younger. However, with tweens, the line between “funny mom” and “awkward lady who won’t stop talking” is razor thin. I’m getting better at deciphering their body language, especially when they physically leave the room—definitely a cue to dial it back on the goofy jokes.
5. Screen Time? Just One Hour!
Moving on…
6. Healthy Eating? What’s That?
I envisioned delightful family dinners with steamed salmon and vegetables. Instead, we often find ourselves in Survivor mode—yes, the reality show. As long as everyone gets a bowl of rice and a chicken leg without utensils, I consider it a culinary win.
7. Animal Prints? Bring on the Safari!
I thought we could dodge the animal print craze, but my daughter’s love for athletic wear proved me wrong. Once popular brands embraced zebra stripes, I knew we’d be headed on a clothing safari. Honestly, it’s kind of adorable when my 10-year-old dresses like a little cougar.
8. No PG-13 Movies Until Age 13!
As kids approach age 11, suitable movie choices become scarce. “You can watch ‘Despicable Me’ for the millionth time, or this questionable adult film with way too much drama. Choose wisely!” Sadly, I’ve compromised on a few films (but we always mute the volume during inappropriate bits, obviously).
9. My Kids Will Never Quit Activities!
I was adamant that kids should stick with commitments, until I realized that some pursuits—like the French horn or possibly dangerous sports—might be better off dropped.
As my children near their teenage years, I shudder at the naïve expectations I currently hold, wondering how misguided I might feel in a decade. Will they really be home by 9 p.m. every Saturday after three hours at the library? I’ll keep you posted (and maybe even consult Oprah).
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In summary, naïve expectations in parenting often lead to unexpected twists and turns. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the imperfections, and remember that every parent is figuring it out as they go along.