To the man who gave me the title of “Mom,” Happy Father’s Day!
It’s been a while since you last saw the boys—over a month, in fact. I wonder if today will finally break the silence between us. After all, today is “your day.” You are their father. But it’s hard to ignore the fact that you’re still absent from so much of their lives.
This isn’t a day to dwell on the negatives or to steal your thunder for not being there for them. Instead, it’s a reminder of the bittersweet reality we face. Days like today make me realize how far removed you truly are and how your sons and I can’t change that. Yet, despite your absence, they still long for you.
Even after a month apart, they think you hung the moon. When you canceled last weekend, their little hearts shattered. With hopeful hazel eyes, they asked, “Oh, is daddy still sick?” I had to choke back my own tears and softly say, “Yes, sweet peas, daddy’s still sick. I’m sorry.”
You didn’t answer when I called. You mentioned you couldn’t bear to explain to them why they wouldn’t see you again. You left that heavy burden on my shoulders. It’s heartbreaking to watch their excitement when you promise them a visit, only for them to be let down. But I’m grateful they can still love you so fiercely.
Right now, they love you like I once did—with an innocent, unyielding love that doesn’t need explanations. They love you just because you’re you. But what you seem to overlook is that their love, while fierce, is also delicate. You’re the one who should protect it, not shatter it.
The other day, I stumbled upon a video from two Father’s Days ago. You were chasing the boys around, laughter filling the air. You were sober, healthy, and very much their daddy. They squealed with delight, wanting nothing more than to be caught in your strong arms. In that moment, we were a real family—the kind I had always dreamed we’d be.
I don’t know what you were thinking back then, but you were the dad our boys deserved that day. And today, that’s simply not the case—and it’s devastating.
I’ve moved on for my own sake. My heart doesn’t break for me anymore; it’s for your sons who still cling to the hope that you’ll come back. You are always their father, but whether you choose to be a dad is up to you.
Despite your absence, I’m grateful that the boys have strong male role models in their lives, like my dad and my brothers. Yet, there’s still a daddy-shaped hole in their hearts that feels so profound even at their tender age of 3. That void is meant to be filled by you.
Seeing the life you lead fills me with sadness—not just for our sons, but for you as well. I’ve realized that I’m often more heartbroken for you than you seem to be for yourself. It’s not until you experience your own heartbreak that you might consider making a change.
In the meantime, your sons look to me to explain why their father is always sick and why they never see you. I wish you could grasp the importance of your role, especially since your own father didn’t understand his. Now, sadly, you are missing out on your own.
But here’s my promise to you: I will always uphold your significance in our sons’ lives. I will never speak ill of you to them, nor will I degrade your role. You seem to be doing that all on your own, and in time, you may fade from their memories as you have from their lives.
Regardless of whether you realize it or care, you are their father, and today is a day to honor fathers. So, we will pick out a card for you, and either they will hand it to you or we’ll mail it. They might even draw you a picture. Then, we’ll move on—because that’s what little ones do.
But in my heart, I will feel the loss—not for myself, but for you and for our boys.
Despite your choices and the pain you cause, I want to thank you. Although you’re not being a dad right now, you’ve given me the incredible gift of motherhood. Because of your absence, I get to be there for everything.
So today, I celebrate you—not for the father you’ve been recently, but for making me their mother. I hope one day you realize what you’re missing, and I pray you become more than just their father; I hope you become their dad.
Until then, thank you, and Happy Father’s Day.
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Summary
This heartfelt message reflects on the complexities of fatherhood, absence, and the enduring love children have for their fathers, even amidst pain and disappointment. It emphasizes the importance of a father’s role while acknowledging the challenges of navigating that relationship from a mother’s perspective.