To all the amazing dads out there, I hope your Father’s Day is filled with joy and celebration. I understand that some families without fathers choose to honor moms or other caregivers on this special day, and that’s perfectly fine. Every family is unique, and love comes in many forms.
However, every year, I find myself receiving Father’s Day wishes, and I have to say, please stop. I’m not a father, and I don’t want to be acknowledged as one. The idea that I should be considered both mom and dad is frustrating and inaccurate. Being labeled as part-dad feels as awkward as being called sir when I clearly am not.
I’m unapologetically gay. I love women, and I’m happily married to my partner. Together, we’re raising three wonderful kids. My children have two moms and do not have a father. While I appreciate the kindness behind Father’s Day greetings, I simply don’t want them. I had my moment in May—Mother’s Day, or as we like to call it, Mothers’ Day.
The Daycare Dilemma
My eldest daughter has been in daycare since she was just six months old. We chose her school for its excellent reputation and diversity. As her classroom prepared for their first Father’s Day activities, my partner and I were curious about how the teachers would handle this day. At ages one and two, our daughter was too young to notice. The teachers cleverly wrote “Mommy” instead of “Daddy” on her art projects, which we appreciated.
But by the time she turned three, I was anxious about how she would respond to Father’s Day. The Mother’s Day breakfast was a hit, and seeing all the mothers there was heartwarming. However, I couldn’t shake the worry about what would happen during the Father’s Day celebration. Would she feel left out as the only child without a dad?
My daughter is confident; she dances in public without a care in the world. But would she be comfortable standing out among her peers? Would she understand that it’s okay to celebrate dads even if she doesn’t have one? We asked her teachers to let her make a Father’s Day gift for her grandfather, Pop-Pop. She knows she has two moms and understands that some of her friends have both a mom and a dad. Yet, she still notices the lack of diverse families in the stories she loves.
Societal Expectations
It’s disheartening to see her play with her toys and always assign them a mom and a dad, even in her imaginary worlds. It’s not that she wants a dad or loves us any less, but our society bombards children with the idea that every family must fit a traditional mold. She recognizes that her family is loved and accepted, but she also knows she’s unique in having two moms. It’s frustrating that same-sex parents aren’t more represented in media.
Fortunately, my daughter handles it better than I do. When she crafted a gift for Pop-Pop, she did so without hesitation. When we told her we wouldn’t attend the Father’s Day lunch, her friend was more concerned than she was. “But who will be there for Eva?” he asked. She didn’t mind the answer, but my partner encouraged her to give her friend’s dad a hug on Father’s Day, just as he had hugged us on Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, many dads couldn’t attend, and the kids enjoyed pizza instead. I can only imagine how she would have felt in a setting meant for celebrating something she doesn’t have.
A Call for Understanding
One day, her friends—and hopefully society—will understand that my partner and I are here for Eva. She doesn’t need a dad or for anyone to wish us a happy Father’s Day. Such sentiments undermine the efforts of same-sex parents striving for equality. Labels, even when intended to be kind, imply that a mom and a dad are essential for raising a child. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and love is what truly matters.
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In summary, let’s celebrate the unique families we have while respecting the identities we embody. Happy day to all the moms, and keep those Father’s Day wishes to yourselves!