This June 24th, I’ll be watching my daughter walk across the stage to receive her high school diploma—an emotional day that also happens to be my father’s birthday. He would have been over the moon, cheering for his granddaughter. She adored him during the 11 years they shared, just as I did. But as I glance at the empty chair where he would have sat, it’s a stark reminder of life’s bittersweet nature: joy and sorrow often coexist.
When a child heads off to college, they’re not the ghost—it’s their childhood that lingers. The excitement of watching her spread her wings is accompanied by the heartache of letting go. I’ve already traveled this emotional road with my son, who graduated two years ago. I can almost predict how the graduation day will unfold: the endless wait for everyone to be seated, the stirring strains of “Pomp and Circumstance” filling the air, and the sudden rush of tears as I remember the little girl that once was.
The summer will be a whirlwind of preparations. Between her job and mine, we’ll tackle the nitty-gritty details of sending her off: picking up extra-long sheets, opening a bank account, and getting her a Canada Goose down coat—just like her brother’s, because Chicago winters are no joke. We might have to survive on rice and beans for a week, but hey, it’s a small price to pay for keeping her warm.
However, despite buying her that pricey jacket, I know that there are countless other ways I can’t shield her from the harsh realities of life. There’s a profound difference in sending off a daughter compared to a son. While I don’t claim my college experiences are representative of all women’s experiences, they do give me pause.
Unsettling Experiences
Here’s a glimpse at some of the unsettling situations I found myself in during college:
- An attempted break-in by a stranger in my dorm room.
- A mugging at gunpoint while walking home.
- Another mugging in a taxi, this time at gunpoint again.
- An attack by three intoxicated classmates after a late-night outing.
- Being kicked unconscious in a crowded area.
- An attempted molestation by two classmates while celebrating a film project.
- Date-raped the night before my graduation.
It’s a harrowing list, and I pray my daughter never has to face even a fraction of these experiences. Yet, they linger in my mind, especially as she approaches college age. The truth is, there’s not much I can do beyond offering her advice and a few cautionary tales.
As we shop for her dorm necessities, I’ll remind her to be vigilant, whether at the ATM or navigating the campus. We’ll chat about being a woman in this world, where freedom isn’t always the same for everyone. My son can ride the subway at any hour without a second thought. My daughter knows she must be more cautious, and that reality can be frustrating for her.
The day I bid her farewell on campus will bring a unique blend of pride and dread. While I’ll be celebrating her new adventure, I’ll also worry about the challenges she may face, knowing that I can’t always protect her from the world’s uncertainties.
As we both navigate this transition, I hope she can focus on learning and growing rather than facing harsh realities. But as I say goodbye, I know that unsettling knot in my stomach won’t just be about the bittersweet ache of letting go; it will also be a twinge of anxiety about the world she’s stepping into.
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Summary
Sending a daughter off to college can evoke complex emotions, mixing pride with concern for her safety in a world that often feels more dangerous for women. As one mother navigates this bittersweet journey, she reflects on her own experiences and the lessons she hopes to impart.