Recently, someone asked me if I ever feel judged by other parents for being a bit unconventional, and whether I worry that my quirks might reflect poorly on my child. The answer? Absolutely.
I’ve faced my fair share of judgment—too many instances to count, really. And if some of those uptight, judgmental types are reading this, I can imagine they’re cringing right now. After all, I just dropped the word “absolutely,” which probably makes them clutch their pearls in horror.
But here’s the thing: I genuinely don’t care. Yes, I said it—I don’t care! Nothing else captures how little I concern myself with the opinions of those who think they have it all figured out.
Was I always this way? Not at all. Like many, I went through phases where fitting in felt essential. I was raised in a cozy little private school, surrounded by friends who felt like family. I was free to be myself. Then came the shift to public school in sixth grade, where I suddenly felt the pressure to conform. I desperately wanted to wear the same clothes, style my hair like everyone else, and just be accepted.
That quest for acceptance lasted about a day. When my mom made me get a perm that was supposedly the trend, I became the odd one out—definitely not the cool kid. I quickly realized that blending in with my peers was never going to happen, especially when I towered over everyone else and looked like I was in a perpetual state of electric shock.
So, what do you do? You either keep pretending to be someone you’re not, or you throw your hands in the air and say, “Forget it!” That’s when I started meeting other kids who also didn’t fit the mold. Those were my people, and I was happy to find them.
Fast forward to adulthood: I became a mom, and let me tell you, that’s when I really started to question myself. The moment I welcomed my son into the world, motherhood turned my brain into a swirl of anxiety about being the “perfect” parent. I fell back into that teenage mindset, wanting desperately to fit in with other moms.
I joined every “Mommy and Me” class I could find, trying to mirror what the other moms did—wearing the same outfits, using the same baby gear, and throwing the same Pinterest-perfect birthday parties. It drained me.
One fateful day, while at a McDonald’s play area, my son got into a spat with another kid. I was sitting with the “popular” moms when my son came to me, tears streaming down his face, because he was hit. I calmly told him to go back and ask the other child to stop. When he returned, the hitting continued. So, I asked the other mom if she could speak to her child. Her response? “Boys will be boys.”
That was my breaking point. I replied that if her kid touched mine again, he should defend himself however he saw fit. The moms gasped collectively, and I was labeled the “problematic” one. But you know what? I realized I didn’t care about fitting in with them. It was a moment of clarity; I understood that as long as I loved my son and taught him to stand up for himself, I was doing just fine.
Out went the pressure to conform, and back came my vibrant, spunky self. I’ve always been a free thinker, and motherhood didn’t have to change that. Trying to fit in had been harming my parenting, not helping it. I was inadvertently teaching my son that he should change who he is for acceptance.
The reality is, you will never please everyone. People will either love you or dislike you, and that’s perfectly okay. I embrace my quirks—my humor, my colorful language, and my candidness about parenting. And I want my son to feel the same way. If someone doesn’t appreciate you for who you are, then they’re not worth your time.
At the end of the day, it’s crucial to look in the mirror and be proud of who you see. After all, you’ll be with yourself 24/7, so it’s essential to like that person.
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Summary
Ultimately, embracing your true self as a parent can lead to a more fulfilling experience for both you and your child. It’s important to surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, rather than trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t suit you.