Like my mom, I’m raising two feisty daughters who keep me on my toes. However, unlike my mom, I have a hands-on partner by my side. My husband, Tom, is a playful, caring dad who goes all out for our girls. Whether he’s belting out off-key tunes in their music classes, organizing trips to the local fire station, or whipping up some alphabet-shaped blueberry pancakes on Sunday mornings, he’s all in.
My dad loved my sister and me deeply, but his affection came from a distance after my parents separated. He had to move abroad for work, so while we often felt his love through letters and phone calls, the daily parenting was left to Mom.
I absolutely recognize the challenges of single motherhood. I can only imagine the days when my mom felt exhausted or lonely. Yet, I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have gained these three invaluable lessons:
1. A Powerful Female Role Model
Mom juggled her undergraduate studies and law school while we were just kids. Every day, we witnessed her dedication to education and her determination to support our family. She didn’t just break barriers; she smashed through them. Our household was a stark contrast to the traditional roles you might expect; Mom handled everything from paying the bills to changing the oil and even mowing the lawn. When she opted out of certain activities—like camping—it wasn’t because of her gender but simply because that wasn’t her style.
2. A Unified Authority
Before Tom and I had kids, we often discussed our childhood experiences. He shared how his parents were always in sync, which I found remarkable. In my case, my sister and I never had the chance to play one parent against the other. This dynamic gave us clarity; we knew that when Mom made a decision, it was final. While we tested her limits, it provided us a sense of security knowing where the boundaries lay. Mom raised us without the conflict of a differing spouse, allowing her to parent according to her own vision.
3. The Expectation of True Partnership
Both my sister and I ended up marrying men who are well-rounded and capable. They take pride in learning new skills, whether it’s navigating a river in a raft, renovating a bathroom, or baking the perfect gluten-free pizza. We made these choices consciously, as we were inspired by our mom’s independence. While our marriages aren’t free from gender dynamics, we strive for open communication and honesty.
Every day, I’m grateful to be on this parenting journey with Tom. I choose to be with him, not out of fear of raising our daughters alone, but because I genuinely want to share this life together. My mom’s example taught me that single parenthood can be fulfilling and joyful, despite its challenges. That’s undoubtedly one of the greatest gifts I received growing up with a strong, independent single mom.
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Summary
Growing up with a single mom instilled resilience in me through her powerful example, the clarity of a unified authority, and the expectation of partnership in relationships. These lessons have shaped my outlook on parenting and partnerships, proving that strength can emerge from challenging circumstances.