When I first decided to start a family, I thought it was essential to stop taking my medication. So, as we prepared to conceive, I ditched my meds. Oh boy, what a mistake that was!
Throughout my pregnancy, I found myself in a constant battle with overwhelming panic, intense anxiety, and relentless worrying. I’m not referring to just the typical “mom-to-be jitters.” I mean waking up at the crack of dawn, trapped in a cycle of obsessive thoughts and panic. There were days when the thought of facing another 24 hours felt unbearable. My mind was like a hamster wheel, and I couldn’t find the off switch. It was serious, serious anxiety.
Desperate to find something that could ease my symptoms without putting my baby at risk, I felt like a complete failure. I was ashamed and broken inside. Eventually, I decided to resume medication during my second trimester. I started with a tiny dose that barely made a dent in my anxiety, and I was terrified to increase it at first. But increase it I did—again and again—until, by the end of my pregnancy, I finally felt a glimmer of calm, a hint of happiness, and a little more like myself.
If I had the power to rewrite my story, I would choose a life free from anxiety and depression. I wish I could be the kind of woman who never had to think about medication or feel torn between my mental health and my baby’s well-being. But this is my reality, and I have to own it.
I’m not thrilled about it, either! If there were a magical herb, essential oil, or yoga routine that could work for me, trust me, I would be all over it. But alas, nothing else has ever helped. This journey has taught me that there’s no universal formula for pregnancy, childbirth, or the postpartum experience. We all face different risks and benefits, and ultimately, it’s up to us to decide what’s best for ourselves and our families.
So, I stand with you, no matter what choices you make. Whether you decide to use an epidural, opt for a cesarean section, or follow every detail of your birth plan—or none of it at all—I support you. Your choices about how and where to give birth, what diapers to use, and how to feed your baby are yours alone. I trust you to know what’s best for you and your little one.
And if you find yourself needing medication during pregnancy, that’s perfectly okay. I consulted with my care team about my decision to take medication, and I encourage you to do the same. Your journey is uniquely yours, and you deserve the support you need along the way.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this blog post for helpful insights. You can also visit Make a Mom for detailed information about home insemination kits. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine is an excellent resource for anything related to pregnancy and conception.
Summary
My experience with pregnancy while managing anxiety and medication highlights the importance of personal choices in motherhood. Despite the challenges, I learned to embrace my journey and support others in their decisions, regardless of their circumstances.