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I was just kidding!
Sarcasm might be the lowest form of humor, but I can’t help myself. From a young age, my son learned to detect my sarcasm and now dishes it right back. “I can’t wait to shop for a new blazer for graduation,” he’ll say, to which I reply, “Oh, that sounds like so much fun!” His retort? “I was just kidding! I’d rather have a root canal!” Clearly, he’s picking up a few things from the master. -
You know junk food isn’t good for you, right?
On those rough days when I think a can of Coke Zero will save me, my son is quick to remind me of the perils of junk food. His comments usually turn into vivid descriptions of a YouTube video showing a bottle of Coke being boiled down into a sticky mess suitable for roadwork. Ah, revenge for all the times I warned him that Nacho Cheese Doritos could turn his insides vibrant orange. -
I don’t get it; what’s so funny?
There’s this exasperating tween show called Drake & Josh that has my son and his buddies in stitches. Whenever I’m forced to sit through a rerun of the so-called “funniest” moments, I often find myself saying, “I don’t get it. What’s funny about that?” Now, whenever I try to share something amusing, he fires back with the same line. It’s so frustrating that I even attempted—unsuccessfully—to find the humor in Drake & Josh. -
I need some ‘me’ time.
Every parent has their moments, usually leading to desperate bathroom escapes with a book and a 20-minute timer. Unfortunately, my son has turned “me time” into an excuse for dodging homework, chores, or even a conversation about his day—especially right before swim practice. -
Wow, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?
My son, like many boys, once reveled in being a bit smelly. Lately, however, he’s become quite sensitive about it. Now, whenever I indulge in a spicy garlic dinner (which is often), he’s quick to comment on my breath. -
Why do I have to do everything?!
This phrase echoes through the house every time I ask him to pick up his sweatshirt, clear his dinner plate, or toss his backpack in the car. Oh, just wait, my dear. Someday, you’ll truly understand what “everything” means. -
It’s not a playdate when my friends come over. We’re just hanging out.
For years, my son called my friend visits “playdates.” “Why do your friends drink so much wine during playdates?” he’d ask. Recently, he’s decided he’s too mature for playdates—let’s hope he remains wine-free for a few more years! -
I’ll be in my room; I need some space.
This is closely related to “me time,” typically accompanied by a dramatic slam of his bedroom door. I swear I only say this when I have a massive headache—not when I’m just longing to lie in bed and read comic books for two hours. -
You’re wearing that again?
My son’s go-to outfit is a long-sleeved t-shirt, sweatpants, and Vans. I used to urge him to switch it up, but now he points out my daily uniform—grey pants, a white t-shirt, and a black vest. Touché. -
Could you aim for me and not over the fence?
Every time I throw a ball and miss the mark—even when it’s nowhere near the fence—I hear this line. Yes, he picked it up from me back when his throwing skills didn’t quite match his enthusiasm. -
Somebody needs to visit a hairdresser.
“Wow, you need a haircut,” I’ll say, running my fingers through his unruly hair. “Well, you should probably see a hairdresser too,” he’ll retort, while proudly showcasing my grey strands. -
Seriously?
This single word can convey a vast array of incredulous disbelief. “Seriously, you expect me to eat spinach pizza? Seriously, you want me to watch a documentary about a girl? Seriously, you think I’m excited about my current affairs project?” Okay, I might have overused that one a bit. At least he’s a quick study.
In summary, it’s remarkable how my tween son has picked up my phrases and turned them into his own brand of witty comebacks. It’s a constant reminder of how much they absorb from us—and sometimes, they even make us chuckle (or roll our eyes) in return. If you’re interested in more parenting insights or tips on home insemination, check out this great resource or this authority on the subject. And for useful statistics on infertility, visit the CDC.