Lately, it seems there’s an endless debate over which parenting approach reigns supreme. Whether it’s helicopter parenting versus free-range, stay-at-home moms versus working moms, or mainstream methods versus natural ones, the comparisons never cease (yawn). Parenting is filled with about a thousand decisions each day, and let’s be honest—most of us don’t fit neatly into any one category for longer than your toddler can keep their toys picked up.
Parenting styles flow and shift as we change and, more crucially, as our children grow. It’s not a one-size-fits-all scenario, and I’m often puzzled by the rigid labels that suggest otherwise.
My parenting approach mirrors who I am at this moment. To say I’m relaxed would be an understatement; sometimes I might even be a bit lazy. But I can also be driven and a tad obsessive. As a mom, I lean more towards free-range. I prefer to observe from a distance, allowing my kids to learn through their own experiences. Freedom is important to me!
However, I grew up with a mother who was perpetually anxious and worried. She made me watch the Adam Walsh TV special every year since I was a baby. For those unfamiliar with the story, he was abducted from a department store while shopping with his mother. It was tragic. After witnessing this on TV countless times, I was convinced my own kids would be snatched. I didn’t let them ride their bikes alone until this year—just kidding! But I do often allow candy before bed and sleepovers on school nights. I can be a bit wishy-washy when I lack a strong opinion. My kids know they can usually persuade me to let them have their way. They also understand that if they fib, they’ll face consequences more severe than a stay in a supermax prison!
The reality is, most parents oscillate between different styles throughout their parenting journey. I never faced such harsh judgment about my personality—essentially my parenting style—until I had kids. Indecisiveness was once seen as charming; now, many parenting “experts” deem it a liability when raising a healthy child. So, why the harsh critiques of others’ parenting choices? Just because I’m responsible for raising a human doesn’t mean your method is superior to mine!
In fact, I often learn the most from parents whose styles are vastly different from my own. Sure, I enjoy bonding with those who parent like I do, but that doesn’t challenge me to grow. The natural moms have made me more mindful of hidden ingredients in our food, nudging me toward better choices. And those helicopter parents hovering over their kids at the park? Sometimes they inspire me to get up and join the fun! While I won’t change who I am because of them, I can certainly learn and evolve.
Judging someone without knowing their story can lead to a humbling experience. I once overheard a nosy neighbor ask my friend, “When are you two going to have kids?” My friend smiled and replied, “I just had my third miscarriage.” The same applies to different parenting styles. That hovering mom’s child might be a cancer survivor, and the working mom could be her family’s primary provider. Parents make choices based on a myriad of factors we often don’t understand.
If we could sprinkle a little more kindness into our interactions, the parenting landscape might just become a more welcoming place. I don’t have to agree with you to respect you as a fellow parent. And honestly, if we all thought the same way, what a dull world it would be!
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Summary
In today’s parenting landscape, there’s a tendency to judge each other’s approaches, whether it’s about being a working mom or a stay-at-home parent. Parenting is fluid and reflects who we are and who our children are at any given moment. By embracing differences and learning from one another, we can create a more supportive environment. Kindness and respect go a long way, and differing opinions can enrich our parenting experiences.