When it comes to parenting, one topic that sparks endless debate is how to best support the kids through tough times. If you’re facing a divorce, it’s crucial to recognize that, regardless of how amicably you may part ways, it’s unlikely to be a walk in the park for the little ones.
Take Jake Thompson, who penned a heartfelt article on Family Matters about the emotional toll of an unsteady marriage. He vividly describes feeling like “two empty shells waiting for the next gust of wind.” You can sense it—staying together just isn’t in the cards for these two. He wrestled with the idea of remaining under the same roof for the kids, but ultimately understood that living a facade wasn’t going to cut it.
I completely resonate with him. But what he didn’t mention—possibly because it slipped his mind—is that keeping the family intact for the kids’ sake isn’t actually beneficial for them.
My parents divorced when I was eight, back in the early ’70s, when divorce was still a rarity. Fast forward to today, and it’s much more commonplace; many of my peers have experienced the same, and even my kids have friends navigating similar situations. My husband has been divorced too; I’m his second wife—a phrase that still feels odd to say.
What I’ve learned from growing up with divorce and witnessing countless others endure it is this: do not stay together for the kids. They deserve to move forward into their own lives, and the sooner they can do so, the better, especially if the relationship has truly run its course.
We all want our children to find love with the right person and live happily ever after, right? Whether you envision them diving headfirst into passionate romances or taking a more cautious approach, most of us hope they’ll end up with someone they can cherish through thick and thin. So how does it help them to witness a strained marriage? Living in an environment filled with tension can only lead to confusion. Even if the negativity is hidden, they’ll sense it every single day.
What truly benefits them is observing their parents in positive, healthy relationships. Kids shouldn’t grow up in a home where adults pretend to love one another or, worse yet, can barely stand each other. They need to see that love is worth pursuing, that true affection can be risky yet rewarding. If you’re the parent moving out and transitioning to a new routine, you can still be present in their lives without fostering a lie, thus preventing them from believing that enduring an unhappy marriage is the norm. Life should be about growth, and while it’s painful, both you and your children need to embrace change. If you can’t, they’ll feel stuck too.
I firmly believe in the sanctity of marriage. It’s a commitment that deserves nurturing and effort to keep it intact. But sometimes, despite our best efforts, relationships dissolve. Once a marriage reaches its end—sometimes it just does—it’s vital for everyone, including the kids, to embrace the next chapter. This is the healthiest choice you can make for them. You’ll show them that love is attainable, and they’ll recognize their own worthiness for it. You’ll demonstrate that hope exists even when life doesn’t go as planned. Keeping the family together for the kids’ sake only serves to imprison them, and trust me, they won’t be grateful for it.
For more insights on navigating family dynamics, check out our other blog post on intracervical insemination. If you’re curious about fertility resources, this link offers great guidance on home insemination kits. Additionally, UCSF provides excellent information on IVF and other fertility treatments.
In summary, staying together for the kids doesn’t serve them well. It’s essential to move on and show them what healthy relationships look like, allowing them to learn from both your experiences and your growth.