Updated: July 8, 2021
Originally Published: May 30, 2015
Back in the carefree days of the 1970s, my childhood was marked by a rather relaxed approach to parenting. My mom was more of a free spirit than a hovering helicopter parent. There was no strict bedtime; we simply dozed off wherever we felt sleepy. Each of us had our own TVs in our rooms, which meant I picked up more about romantic escapades from The Love Boat than any 6-year-old probably should have.
When it came to quitting, my mother didn’t offer any grand motivational speeches. My older brother decided camp wasn’t for him, so he spent his summers immersed in Dungeons & Dragons and Space Invaders. If I found an after-school program less than thrilling, her advice was simple: “If it doesn’t spark joy, just quit.” And boy, did I take that to heart. I waved goodbye to gymnastics, pottery, and even musical theater. Hebrew school? Ice skating? High school track? All crossed off the list.
I didn’t quite know what I wanted, but I was becoming very familiar with what I didn’t want. I carried this philosophy into adulthood, resigning from 12 jobs that didn’t light my fire (eventually, I did find my passion).
However, when my own daughter, who is now 8, boldly declared she wanted to quit ballet after five years, the phrase “you’re not a quitter” just slipped out of my mouth. I didn’t pick that up from my mother.
“Why can’t I quit?” she asked earnestly. I paused, pondering my discomfort. Was it the money we’d invested? The countless hours she’d spent? Or was it my desire for her to excel at something—anything? Perhaps I had internalized the modern mantra that teaches our kids to be winners, and winners, of course, don’t quit.
But is being a winner truly the goal? I’m not entirely convinced. Legendary NFL coach Vince Lombardi famously said, “Winners never quit and quitters never win,” yet he was notorious for his harsh treatment of his family. Coincidence? Maybe not.
My kids might not always wear the winner’s crown, but they’ll grow up with their self-esteem intact. A wise friend of mine pointed out, “Why do we heap so much pressure on our children? Look at us.” She had a point. I’m a decent middle-class parent, but certainly not a Nobel laureate, CEO, or Olympic champion.
Sure, names like Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Michael Phelps come to mind—none of them gave up. But remember, Phelps’ mother enrolled him in swimming classes at a young age just to help him channel his energy. That’s where he found his groove. What if he had been pushed into painting or playing the violin? He likely would have wanted to quit.
I had an epiphany: if my daughter didn’t quit ballet now, she would only lose more precious time she could be using to discover her true passions. Maybe my mother was onto something after all: pursue what makes you happy. And the best piece of advice she gave me? “If you don’t love it, quit.”
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In the end, maybe quitting isn’t such a bad thing after all.