“The way we communicate with our children becomes their internal dialogue.” This quote lingers in my mind and often pulls me into a whirlwind of guilt as a parent. Honestly, there are many moments when I don’t want my child’s inner voice to echo mine. I’m far from perfect.
When life gets hectic, I tend to lose my cool. And let’s face it—I’m still figuring out what a healthy inner voice sounds like for myself. I sometimes wish I could hire one of those serene moms who speak in gentle tones to their kids. How do they keep their composure when it’s 8 p.m., and chaos reigns with homework, dishes, laundry, and three bedtime routines looming? I, on the other hand, find myself slipping and raising my voice.
It often begins with socks. “GET THOSE SIX PAIRS OF SOCKS OUT OF THE PLAYROOM!” I bark, wondering how one child could have worn that many socks in a single day. When my requests go unheard, my frustration grows, and I yell louder. Sure enough, the kids start moving, and while I feel guilty, I can’t deny that it got results.
I could never be an Orange Rhino mom, those mythical figures who manage to stay calm and collected. They’re a Facebook group with strategies for maintaining composure. I’ve tried and failed miserably. They must be called Orange Rhinos because they belong in a fairy tale—just like those moms who handle everything with a serene whisper.
I really want to be the type of parent who can manage chaos without resorting to yelling. After nine years of parenting, I still haven’t mastered it. I feel like I’m failing at helping my children form a positive inner voice. I hope I’m not doing too much damage.
Yet, I know I’m not alone. Many of us have inner dialogues that have been shaped by experiences with parents, siblings, peers, or partners. Shielding our kids from all the negativity that influences their inner voices is a tall order—life is just too chaotic.
What I can teach them is the importance of unconditional love and forgiveness. Through these lessons, they can help build and nurture better inner voices in themselves and others. Just the other day, a mom from my son’s preschool shared how much my child had positively impacted her daughter, who had been facing bullying. My daughter had included her in play, showing that she understands the value of kindness.
I may not know what her inner voice sounds like right now, but despite my shouting, I take comfort in knowing she grasps that everyone deserves love and the chance for forgiveness.
So, kudos to the calm, whispery moms who glide through their days with grace! I’ll be here, occasionally raising my voice in hopes of getting my kids to listen.
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Summary
This article reflects on the author’s struggles with yelling at her children amidst the chaos of parenting. She acknowledges the guilt associated with her actions but also highlights the lessons of love and forgiveness that she strives to instill in her kids. While she admires calm mothers, she accepts her imperfections and aims to teach her children to build positive inner voices despite her occasional outbursts.