Dear Emily,
Believe it or not, I was a 14-year-old once, filled with angst, a healthy dose of attitude (sorry, Mom and Dad), and the kind of cramps that would make anyone a little cranky. So, yes, I totally understand what you’re going through. At least, I think I do—sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago.
It’s unfortunate that we don’t have our kids when we’re still kids ourselves. In the worst teenage pregnancy prevention speech ever, the crux of my point is this: have children after you’ve secured your education and career. Don’t procrastinate. The older you get, the more distance grows between your teenage experiences and those of your own child. It’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to relate to the emotions, pressures, and troubles I experienced from 1982 to 1988. I’ve turned into what we all dread: a parent!
Emily, it’s hard to imagine, but I had my fair share of crushes at your age. I remember calling a boy’s house only to have his dad answer and me instantly hanging up—remember, “hanging up” means slamming the receiver down, something you probably don’t even know about. If only I had Snapchat, Instagram, or Facebook back in 1984! I could’ve made way better choices in crushes if I could have “friended” them and seen their mirror selfies or muscle flexes. I get it—well, sort of. You don’t have to deal with acne, so you’re welcome. You’ve got fantastic friends, just like I did. And your music knowledge? Impressive! I owe my own expertise to my dad, your grandpa, who was the ultimate music guru.
Would We Have Connected?
Would we have hit it off in high school? Would we have shared smiles in the hallway but never really connected? Did we take the same classes or share lunch orders? At 14, I loved to ski, stay cozy at home on snowy nights with my dog, and could play the clarinet like a pro. I had a bunch of hobbies and friends, yet I often felt invisible in a crowd. Do you ever feel that way?
I was the class clown, always ready to make people laugh, even if it meant looking silly. I still remember joking about how the school pizza looked like brains (it really did). I was all about scaring my friends in the hall and completely ruining the French Club photo with my buddy Jenny.
Fashion and Friends
Fashion-wise, I was a sight to behold—earrings the size of bagels, button-up shirts, and penny loafers. I rocked sweaters with unicorns and those bouncy purple balls. It was the ’80s! Everyone was sporting corduroy pants, pocket-filled jeans, and feathered hair. My parents probably celebrated when feathered hair went out of style; it meant fewer trips to the salon to maintain those “feathers.”
At 14, I was still very connected to my parents. I skipped band camp that year because the thought of leaving home for a week terrified me. I also passed on the French trip to Quebec for the same reason. I can only imagine your eye rolls at this. And yes, I had a phase where I dressed up my dog—you’ll see the evidence in the photos! Spending New Year’s Eve in my pajamas with my dog was probably a big reason I was alone that night.
I had fantastic friends with whom I could be my goofy self, just like you do now. They accepted me as I was and helped shape the person I’ve become. My best friend, Lucy, lived just down the street, and we were inseparable until graduation. You’ve faced bumps in the road, yet you’ve built incredible friendships since starting high school, including your own “Lucy” who lives nearby.
Teenage Memories
I wore musk perfume, sported huge bangs, and never left the house without blue eyeshadow. I danced for hours to “I Feel for You” by Chaka Khan in my room. I had crushes on several boys but didn’t have a boyfriend, probably because I was preoccupied with perfecting my dance moves and dressing up my dog. Those rainy summer days were spent making mixtapes from the radio, and I roller-skated around the neighborhood with the Footloose soundtrack blasting from my boom box. I even played basketball in the driveway with my dad—sometimes in the dark!
Honestly, aside from the dog parties and unicorn sweaters, we’re not so different, you and I. Sure, there are generational differences, but for every change, there are things that remain constant. These teenage years can be tough. Personally, watching you navigate this time as a parent has been more challenging than I could’ve imagined. There have been plenty of tears, arguments, and sleepless nights. And that’s just me! I know I’ll get my moment back to hold your hand in public without worrying about what others think. For now, I’ll settle for stealing glances at this incredible young woman I helped bring into the world.
After all, I was 14 once too. And look at me—I turned out pretty well!
In Summary
This heartfelt reflection from a mother to her daughter highlights the similarities between their teenage experiences despite the generational differences. The author reminisces about her own adolescence, the struggles, friendships, and the challenges of parenting—ultimately reminding her daughter that even though times change, the essence of growing up remains the same.