Let’s get this out of the way: I work in tech.
Some apps have genuinely enhanced my life. I no longer find myself driving around in circles thanks to Google Maps. I can snag a table at my favorite restaurant without waiting in line, all thanks to OpenTable. However, there are moments when I miss the tactile joy of a mixtape in my hands over just tapping the Pandora icon. I used to hit the pavement with the confidence of an Olympian, but now my app tells me it took me 11 minutes to run a mile—thanks for that, Map My Run lady, I really needed the judging. And let’s be real, my dinner consisting of Brie, Nutella, and a glass of chardonnay surely has only 300 calories, right? MyFitnessPal begs to differ.
Curious about what apps my friends can’t live without, I asked around. One buddy immediately chimed in, asking if his adult content app counted. Ah, the nostalgia! Back in the day, teenage boys attempted to distract the cashier with candy and Chap Stick while snagging a Playboy from the gas station. Now, it’s all online, with a smorgasbord of genres—gangbang, creampie, and facials (and not the kind you get at the salon).
I’m a fan of social media apps like Facebook and Instagram too. They let me indulge my inner stalker without resorting to peeking through people’s windows. Just last week, I spotted a Facebook friend in real life at Target. After a brief panic, I ducked into the aisle with feminine products until I felt it was safe to emerge. Later, I alleviated my guilt by liking all her vacation photos on Facebook.
Then there’s Tinder. It blows my mind that singles today can swipe through potential matches right in their own neighborhood. It’s like an electronic black book for the lazy: “I want to hook up with a stranger, but only if they’re within three miles.” With GPS and anonymity, it’s no surprise my single friends have received their fair share of unsolicited ‘dick pics.’ One lawyer friend quipped, “You wouldn’t believe how many cocks pop up on my phone during meetings.”
My husband and I also lean heavily on Yelp to decide where to eat. We eagerly log in, presented with local options—American, Thai, Chinese—and can peruse pictures, ambiance details, and consumer ratings. We affectionately call it “Tinder for foodies.”
I understand technology isn’t going anywhere, and it’s only going to get easier for my kids to order everything from pizza to a partner with just a tap. I can only hope that by the time they’re older, apps like Tinder will be as outdated as my dance moves.
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In summary, as we navigate our app-dependent lives, it’s both amusing and slightly concerning how reliant we have become on technology for everything—from running to dining to dating.