Life as a single mother in recovery from alcoholism is no walk in the park. Picture this: I’m a single mom, and the rule is clear—no dating for a year. That’s the guidance I’ve picked up from my support group. They say it takes a full year to clear my mind and get back to a healthier state. Honestly, I think it could take longer, but I’m willing to stick to this timeline. After all, a year feels like a substantial amount of time to focus on me.
I’ve always had a soft spot for men. Ever since my first crush in nursery school, I’ve found myself in relationship after relationship. So, the idea of taking a year off from dating? That’s a tough pill to swallow. But I understand that it’s essential for my growth. I need to reconnect with sober me, rebuild my life, and—most importantly—come to terms with my own company. It’s a daunting task, especially since I have to confront the past mistakes I made during my drinking days.
Alone time can be overwhelming. I live solo, don’t drive, and when I’m not busy with outpatient programs, AA meetings, or my kids, I’m often holed up in my apartment, left with only my own thoughts for company. And let me tell you, self-talk can get a little monotonous. I’ve even found myself reminiscing about the days when I could weave stories to charm my way through social situations.
Imagine if I were honest on a date: “Sorry, I can’t drive, and I don’t drink because I’m in recovery. Oh, and by the way, I’m currently unemployed while I collect state assistance and write a memoir about my life’s chaos.” Not exactly a recipe for romance, right? Sure, I could throw on a suit and pretend to be a polished attorney, but the truth is, I’m just not up for the charade.
I’ve come to realize that taking a break from dating might actually enhance my life. Who would want to be with me right now anyway? Most folks would either need a superhero cape or be just as tangled up as I am. Take, for instance, Greg, an old colleague from the public defender’s office. He recently reached out, thinking that sending me uniform selfies would somehow spark my interest. Spoiler alert: It didn’t work.
But let’s keep it real; I’m human, and I have needs. Since leaving the hospital, I’ve received a lot of support: rental assistance, food stamps, and even a stipend for utilities. I’m genuinely grateful for it all as I work towards getting back on my feet. However, with the “no dating” rule still looming, I can’t help but think that a little self-care tool might be a nice addition to my recovery kit. Just saying.
This morning, while prepping for my outpatient program and putting on some makeup, I noticed a change—I looked healthier. It felt good to do something for myself without any external motivation. I’m starting to appreciate that I’m not a bad person and I can actually be decent company. I even danced around my apartment, belting out “Respect” by Aretha Franklin. Just a friendly reminder to keep things balanced during this solo journey.
Overall, I believe that this time spent alone is paving the way for a stronger relationship with myself. It’s a journey, but I’m optimistic that we’ll make a great team.
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Summary
Being a single mom in recovery from alcoholism presents unique challenges, especially when it comes to dating and self-acceptance. Taking a break from relationships allows for personal growth and a deeper understanding of oneself. With the right support systems and a focus on self-care, this journey can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling life.