The urge to fit in—whether it’s dressing a certain way, watching the latest blockbuster, or engaging in trendy sports—affects everyone. While a dash of conformity can help us avoid chaos (like yelling at slow folks in line or, you know, stealing cars), the pressure to fit in can stifle individuality.
If your goal is to raise kind, intelligent, and creative boys (or girls, for that matter), be ready to embrace a lifestyle that’s a bit unconventional. If you’re raising sons, you’re probably already aware of the challenges posed by the current societal norms. I often faced criticism when my boys were younger, with people claiming that my choices—like rushing from baseball practice to violin lessons or opting for books over video games—were turning them into “wimps” or “nerds.” But guess what? Popularity was never on my agenda, and to my surprise, my boys have turned out to be quite popular with their peers!
Here’s my big secret: I genuinely believe my children are extraordinary. And I know yours are too! Viewing my kids as individuals with boundless potential has guided me through various trends and misguided advice. We aim for integrity, not social media likes. I have no desire for my sons to chase prestigious titles; my wish is for them to grow into good, moral men who spread positivity wherever they go.
Of course, we’ve made our share of mistakes along the way. But we’ve also made it clear that unkind behavior is unacceptable. My boys learned early on that making jokes at someone else’s expense—be it about their weight, race, or education—is a no-go. We find humor in life’s absurdities, not in mocking others.
Teaching kindness starts with leading by example. Simple gestures like being polite to cashiers and waitstaff can open up conversations about the hard work they do. A quick stop at a fast-food drive-thru becomes an opportunity to discuss the juggling act of employees who often work multiple jobs. Recognizing and respecting every role teaches our children empathy and compassion.
The phrase “boys will be boys” often gets misused to excuse bad behavior. Yes, boys can be messy and turn sticks into swords, but that doesn’t mean we tolerate fighting, objectifying women, or crude language. My friend Lisa, who has twin boys just turned four, recently asked, “How do I stop them from hitting each other?” My response? “Consistently work on it for the next 15 years!” And yes, it’s true. Just recently, my 21-year-old finally learned to wrestle without tears or injuries. Boys have that instinct to hit, but it’s our responsibility as parents to help them channel their energy in healthier ways.
I’m not a fan of the “let them fight it out” approach. My husband and I both grew up with brothers, and trust me, those fights led to lasting resentment. Teaching boys to control their tempers is crucial for their future as husbands and fathers.
Fatherhood preparation begins in childhood. I feel proud when my boys score goals or ace tests, but my heart swells even more when I see them comforting a crying baby at church, playing with younger kids, or indulging their sister in tea parties. As the saying goes, “A man is never taller than when he kneels to help a child.”
Crude jokes, especially those that objectify women, should not be part of real manhood. Good manners—like saying “excuse me” after a burp—might seem old-fashioned, but they never go out of style. I firmly believe that traditional values like holding doors open and offering your seat on the bus are timeless.
Understanding grief is also essential for our sons. It’s important for them to grasp the heartaches and struggles that exist in their homes, neighborhoods, and the world at large. It may be easier to discuss abstract issues like hunger than addressing personal challenges, such as job loss, but our kids gain empathy and perspective when they learn that life can be tough for everyone. Remember Plato’s advice: “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Finally, a sprinkle of whimsy is vital for nurturing kindness. As my son often quips, “Life would be so dull if my parents weren’t so silly!” I happily embrace my own childlike spirit—who wouldn’t want to make valentines, splash in puddles, toss pumpkins off roofs, relive Toy Story, or engage in epic backyard water fights?
Happiness and kindness go hand in hand. The more we encourage laughter in our home, the brighter our lives become. And, as I like to remind everyone, we are all made for happiness.
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Summary:
Raising kind, smart, and creative boys requires embracing a unique approach that values integrity over popularity. It involves teaching empathy through example, maintaining good manners, understanding grief, and fostering a sense of joy and whimsy. Ultimately, the goal is to nurture children who grow into compassionate adults.