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When it comes to one-on-one date nights, they’re such a rarity for us that I tend to put enormous pressure on the entire event. With three little ones running around, I can’t just hop into the shower without worrying about what chaos I might find upon my return—crayon on the walls or dirt from a houseplant scattered everywhere. Even with a babysitter lined up, I still have to orchestrate dinner for the kids and ensure bedtime goes smoothly (no one wants the dreaded phone call while out trying to enjoy some time together). And then there’s the matter of getting myself ready. Writing this out makes it seem like a straightforward task. On most days, it is, but somehow, date nights always seem to come with their own set of challenges.
Honestly, some days, it feels like the simplest way to enjoy each other’s company is just to hang out with the kids and then collapse on the couch with takeout and a show. That’s our usual routine, and we typically enjoy it. But eventually, that gets monotonous. We crave deeper connections outside of our home, away from the constant interruptions for snacks, drinks, and one last story before bed.
A couple of months back, we finally managed to get out for a date, and I was genuinely excited. I went through all the preparations enthusiastically, and my partner, Jake, had his own things to sort out before we could leave. However, on that particular night, he arrived feeling the weight of work on his shoulders while I was just eager for a fantastic evening. Unfortunately, the date fell flat. If I were to rate it, I’d give it a 3 out of 10—there was no spark. We exchanged polite conversation, but we were both in our heads, not truly connecting (I, on the other hand, was wholeheartedly enjoying my tacos). As I sat there, it felt like such a waste—a missed opportunity for something special, especially after all the effort it took to get there.
We don’t often get to escape for date nights, so when we do, I find myself giddily anticipating being asked about my preferences for food and drink, sharing stories, and talking about things that usually get sidelined in our busy daily lives. I long for meaningful conversations that go beyond the quick exchanges we have when picking up the kids or grabbing a coffee from Starbucks. That’s the whole point of making the effort: to connect on a deeper level, and of course, indulge in some really good guacamole.
Generally, Jake and I mesh well. We love, we laugh, and we have a good time together. He listens to my rants, and I appreciate his quirky charm. I married someone who finds my quirks endearing—if that isn’t a recipe for a happy marriage, I don’t know what is. Yet, there are times when married life can feel a bit mundane; not every day is a celebration, even if I wish it were. When exhaustion sets in, it’s easy to fall into a boring rut, especially when all you want is to sleep for three straight days.
I never imagined we’d experience the phenomenon of “The Couple Who Has Nothing to Say at Dinner.” But throw in a couple of kids over the years and a lack of sleep, and those weak spots in our communication suddenly become glaringly obvious. I’m sure other couples can relate, as I’ve witnessed them struggling at adjacent tables, their conversations meandering aimlessly. It’s tough to remember how to engage openly and honestly when you don’t practice often enough. Still, we keep giving ourselves those opportunities—and we laugh off the awkward moments because we know that one lackluster date doesn’t define our entire marriage.
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Summary:
Date nights can be a challenge, especially with young children, but they’re essential for reconnecting as a couple. Despite the occasional awkwardness or lack of connection, it’s important to keep trying and finding joy in those moments together.