Ah, the classic tale of “When I was your age, I had to trek 10 miles to school… uphill… in blizzards… dodging bears!” It’s a rite of passage for every generation, and just like clockwork, we vow to avoid saying it to our kids. But here I am, ready to share my own version of this age-old story.
Dear Children,
Back in OUR day…
When you had a crush and wanted to share the news, forget Facebook or Instagram! We resorted to scrawling our feelings on the bathroom wall or dedicating a song on the radio, and believe me, they were tuned in—because there was nothing else to occupy their time.
Pizza nights meant Domino’s, and your options were either plain cheese or pepperoni. And if they took longer than 30 minutes to deliver, it was free!
Popcorn was an event—you either made it from scratch with kernels and oil or, if you were lucky, you had a Jiffy Pop kit. And yes, burns from the stove were practically a badge of honor.
Want to see a movie? You waited all year for that one summer blockbuster, squeezed into a flat-floored theater, and juggled a bag of popcorn and a tiny cup of Coke—no cup holders in sight! Plus, you might have sat next to someone puffing away because, well, smoking was totally allowed back then.
Buying that movie later meant a year-long wait for the VHS or Betamax release. You’d shell out $80 and pray it didn’t snap every time you hit rewind. And if it did? You’d use a pencil to fix the mess, desperately trying to salvage your precious copy of Grease 2.
When it came to music, you carried around a walkman, which was basically a brick. It was a struggle to manage while biking—unless you had a cool basket on your handlebars. If you wanted a song, you either begged your mom for a trip to the mall to buy the record or sat waiting by the stereo, ready to hit record as soon as it played on the radio—only to have the DJ talk over the intro. Oh, the agony!
Craving frozen yogurt? You simply put a cup of Yoplait in the freezer.
Cereal prizes were real treasures, not hidden in layers of plastic. They were right there in the box, mixed in with the cereal itself. Made-in-China craftsmanship be damned!
Selling candy for school meant pulling a wagon and going door to door. No one batted an eye because we weren’t worried about kidnappers.
TV? You had three channels and prayed the antenna would cooperate. And for video games, you saved your quarters in an old sock and begged for a trip to the arcade, waiting forever just to get a turn.
Home gaming meant begging for an Atari or Intellivision, usually connected to a tiny black-and-white TV from Grandma.
For wireless communication, you had a walkie-talkie or, if you were lucky, a cordless phone—neither worked very well. Honestly, two cans and a string were more reliable.
Researching for school reports involved a trip to the library in the station wagon, where you’d comb through the Dewey Decimal system to find dusty books. It was a long, tedious process.
Getting a McDonald’s Happy Meal was a treat—just a small burger, a handful of fries, a few cookies, a toy, and no one asked what the toy’s gender was. Oh, and they were probably made of some questionable materials!
Mom’s diet soda of choice? Tab, which tasted like something you’d find in a garage—one calorie of pure evil in a can. Seriously, they should have used that as their slogan!
As for shoes, you had two options: sneakers or flip-flops, and you wore them until they literally fell apart, even in the pool.
And if you wanted to snap a photo, clip a coupon, look up a word, or get directions? You had to break out your camera, scissors, a dictionary, or a map. Apps? Ha! What a novel concept!
So, toughen up, kids—you’ve got it easy compared to us! If we survived, you can too.
For more insights on family planning and home insemination, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com. If you’re interested in boosting fertility, makeamom.com has some great resources. And for a deeper dive into pregnancy, visit UCSF’s Center.
Summary
Reflecting on the stark differences between childhood experiences now and then, this piece humorously highlights how technology and societal norms have evolved while reminding the younger generation to appreciate the conveniences they have today.