As a young child of around 7 or 8, I knew deep down that what was happening to me was utterly wrong. Yet, I remained silent. When he put his hands where they didn’t belong, I kept quiet, even with my grandparents just a few feet away. When he asked, “Does it feel good?” I nodded. When he said, “You won’t tell anyone, right?” I shook my head.
For weeks, I allowed it to happen, encouraging him with my silent compliance. It took the nightmares to finally reveal the truth. My mother, armed with her instincts and the determination of a mama bear, had to pry the truth out of me. “Kristen, what is going on? Did someone touch you?” When she finally found out, she didn’t hold back. “If you ever lay a hand on my daughter again, I will CUT YOUR BALLS OFF.” But he was family, and the shame of that secret lingered, leading to awkward family gatherings where I had to pretend everything was fine.
In the years that followed, I grappled with the complexity of shame. My grandmother innocently asked, “Why didn’t you just say something?” and though nobody outright blamed me, the weight of the secret stuck with me. The knowledge that I didn’t push him away haunts me. After all, he was just a confused teenager, right?
Shame is a tricky beast. It creeps in, especially in a society that has absurd double standards. I often wonder if it would have made a significant difference had my family confronted my abuser instead of keeping it under wraps. Perhaps I was just wired for shame, but that’s simply not true. No one is built for secrets or silence.
So, can we change the narrative? Can we transform the way we handle these situations? I hate to say “make an example out of these guys” because it sounds harsh, but we need to shift the paradigm. Let’s send a clear message: Boys and men, keep your hands to yourself! That girl is a person, and touching her without consent is taking something from her—something that can never be returned.
Girls and women, this isn’t a secret you need to carry. You are not obligated to protect your abuser. Speak out. Live free of shame. And parents, it’s time to stop allowing these boys to hurt girls. A few weeks on a farm isn’t enough; it’s not okay to protect abusers by keeping their actions hidden. It’s crucial to shield your daughter from her abuser and remind her that what happened to her was not her fault. She has nothing to be ashamed of.
I wrote that last part while grappling with my own feelings of shame. His name was Gary. What was your abuser’s name? Let’s call them out together.
If you’re interested in learning more about handling such delicate matters, check out this insightful blog post on intracervicalinsemination.com. For more information on pregnancy and insemination, Make A Mom is a great resource. Also, if you’re looking for factual information, the CDC offers excellent guidance on infertility and pregnancy.
Summary
It’s vital for society to confront and call out child abusers instead of allowing shame and silence to persist. We need to educate both victims and potential abusers on consent and the importance of speaking out. By changing the narrative, we can foster a culture that protects the innocent and holds abusers accountable.