Parenting
The Seven Hilarious Stages of a Sleepover Bash
by Jessica Larkin
Updated: June 23, 2020
Originally Published: May 22, 2015
There are two things in life that send me into a panic:
- The thought of being trapped in an elevator
- My kids begging for a sleepover party
I’ve mustered the courage to host a sleepover twice, and trust me, that’s two times too many. The details are a bit fuzzy (as they often are after a traumatic event), but the emotional rollercoaster of a sleepover unfolds like this:
Denial
Before the festivities kick off, you pump yourself up with optimistic thoughts:
- How bad could it possibly be?
- I have tons of fun activities lined up.
- My kid’s pals are delightful. They make wise decisions.
- I make wise decisions.
You give yourself a high-five for being the ultimate parent and daydream about finishing that Sudoku puzzle or refinishing your kitchen table while the kids entertain themselves. #blessed
Total Mayhem
About five seconds after the kids arrive, Denial is swiftly replaced by Total Mayhem. A group of 10 boys hyped for a sleepover is like a herd of wild goats on sugar. They’re everywhere and nowhere simultaneously: inside, outside, upstairs, downstairs, playing Manhunt, not playing Manhunt, glued to their phones, then not, all while shouting things like, “My flashlight’s broken!” “I think I got stung!” “I’m starving!” and “My sister has lice.” (Wait, what?!)
Then come the barrage of questions:
- Where’s my iPhone?
- Do you have a charger? (Not that kind)
- What breed is that dog?
- Where’s Jake?
- Where are my underwear?
- What’s that smell?
- Is it cake time yet?
And all the while, you’re left pondering one crucial question: Where on earth did my partner vanish to?
After what feels like six hours (but is really just three), you finally manage to herd them into a single room for some downtime: popcorn and a movie. You convince yourself this will lull them into a sleepy state, and everyone will be out by midnight. Perfect, right?
Silly you! The movie lasts about nine minutes before they collectively announce they’ve seen it 15 times already (and by the way, “that movie is terrible”), so let’s just wrestle, hurl snacks at each other, and dive into high-octane Xbox games instead, because YOLO!
After two more hours of Total Mayhem, you plunge into the long and agonizing process known as “Please, for the Love of All That’s Holy, Go to Sleep,” leading to…
Frustration
The frustration phase kicks in from around midnight until 2 a.m. This is when Happy, Together Parent transforms into a Stark-Raving Lunatic. After an endless number of trips in and out of the room, deep resentment brews.
You find yourself angry at:
- Yourself. (Seriously? 10 boys? Genius move.)
- The movie for being so dull.
- The inventor of Xbox (or “that jerk” as you’ve mentally labeled him).
- Your partner, who reappeared just in time for cake but then bailed after some hilarious fart jokes with the kids.
You’re also not thrilled with:
- Bathroom Buddy: This kid has a bladder the size of a pea and disrupts everything as he climbs over everyone to “pee urgently.”
- Candy Overload Kid: The one who gobbled too many sweets three hours ago and has been threatening to toss his cookies for the last half hour.
- Loud Whisperer: Just as everyone is trying to fall asleep, this kid suddenly has to share an epic YouTube video he just “has to describe.” He also finds it necessary to remind everyone about how spooky the basement is in his “I see dead people” voice.
- Phone Ninja: Despite confiscating all phones, this sneaky kid must have hidden his in a secret spot because it pings with incoming messages every ten minutes. Of course, no one dares to expose him, as he’s the true hero of the sleepover. PING!
Panic
At 2 a.m., frustration gives way to a wave of panic. You realize sleep may never come. You soothe yourself with these thoughts:
- What if they never sleep?
- What if they NEVER sleep?
- What if they NEVER, EVER go to SLEEP?
Bargaining
This is your last-ditch effort to regain control. You lose all dignity and beg for mercy: “For the love of all that’s good, please, please go to sleep!” You even think about launching into the “ugly cry” to guilt trip them into submission, but that might give them nightmares. Anyone fancy a glass of warm milk? Maybe with a sprinkle of Benadryl? Anyone? Please?
Exhaustion
By 3 a.m., you realize this whole ordeal feels a lot like childbirth. You’re drained, feel like you’ve been hit by a bus, and you’re not even sure if you might have soiled yourself. To top it off, you have to feed these hungry munchkins in just four short hours. Hopefully, like childbirth, the trauma and chaos will fade from memory in a few weeks.
Acceptance
Miraculously, you emerge the next morning just in time to greet cheerful, well-rested parents arriving to pick up their kids. They excitedly share stories of their fun date nights and how lovely it was to sleep in until 9 a.m. You praise their kids as if they were angels while standing there braless, mascara streaked down your face, pulling popcorn and Sour Patch Kids from your hair (let’s hope that’s what it is).
Then your disheveled, bed-headed child pops in, hugs you tightly, and says, “Thanks, Mom! That was a blast!” Same time next year? Absolutely.
If you’re curious about more parenting insights, feel free to check out this other blog post on our site, or explore how to navigate the journey of a couple’s fertility journey here. Additionally, for a fantastic resource on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Medical News Today.
Summary
In conclusion, hosting a sleepover party is an exhausting yet hilarious adventure that takes you through stages of denial, chaos, frustration, panic, and eventually acceptance. Despite the trials and tribulations, it’s the sweet moments that make it all worth it, and the chaos inevitably turns into cherished memories.