If you swing by my place unannounced, especially during the day while my partner is at work, here’s what you should prepare for. Brace yourself; this might just be your last visit!
- I probably haven’t showered. Sure, I may have rinsed off yesterday, but today? Nope. So, keep your distance! And don’t give me that judgmental look; I’m not gross (okay, maybe just a tad).
- My hair will be in a messy bun on top of my head, so greasy that it holds its shape without a hair tie. My 2-year-old loves to wear a shiny ball on his head and proudly declare, “I’m Mama!” Adorable, right?
- I’ll be standing there with my arms crossed because, well, I’m not wearing a bra. Or I might be expertly positioning a child in front of me; don’t be surprised if I pass the little one to you and dash to my room to fix that situation.
- You can expect to see tiredness etched on my face, especially with dark circles under my eyes. No makeup here, folks!
- Expect toys scattered all around. It’s like a toy explosion in here.
- The air will have that unique scent of dirty diapers mingled with apple cinnamon air freshener. You’ll likely arrive right after a massive diaper blowout, or I’ll be on a treasure hunt for my toddler who might be hiding after an “accident.” Sorry, it’s a bit gross for both of us.
- The floor will undoubtedly be sticky. Thank you, toddlers.
- There’s a good chance someone will be crying— 50/50 odds that it’s me.
- My kids will likely cling to you as if you’re a rare celebrity they’ve never encountered before.
- I’ll have something bubbling away in my slow cooker. Honestly, without it, we might just starve!
- There will probably be a load of laundry in the washer that I’ve rewashed every morning for the past three days. Seriously, how does that even happen? I feel like I’m perpetually doing laundry.
- A pile of unfolded laundry will be occupying the couch, which I’ve refolded at least once a day for the last three days. Toddlers, am I right?
- You won’t find a place to sit on the couch, not with the little boys jumping around yelling “Cannonball!”
- I’ll have my kids show off every new skill they’ve learned recently. I’m ridiculously proud of them, so you’ll just have to pretend to be impressed too!
- Initially, I might feel a bit embarrassed, but I’ll be genuinely thrilled to see you. I could really use a chat with someone who isn’t a toddler.
- I’ll be even more excited to see you if you arrive with coffee. An iced raspberry white mocha, if you please.
- I might leave you in a room with my kids while I sneak away for a quick refresh. When I return, I’ll be sporting clean, flower-scented hair, moisturized skin, fresh clothes, and a renewed outlook on life.
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In summary, if you visit me unexpectedly, be prepared for a whirlwind of chaos, from my unkempt appearance to the delightful mess that is my home. But amidst the chaos, there’s plenty of love and laughter waiting for you!