When my partner and I first considered leaving the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, my primary worry was food. “We’ll live on takeout forever!” I lamented. “Or worse, pizza and Chinese every night!” “I’ll learn to cook!” he replied with a grin. And you know what? He actually did! Fast forward, and he’s the maestro in our kitchen, whipping up dinner while I have a blast baking the occasional breakfast treat and dessert. Lunch? Let’s just say it’s more about putting things together than actual cooking.
Whenever folks discover this, they often elevate him to superhero status. And while I think that’s a bit generous—especially since my culinary skills are limited to a couple of egg dishes—I can’t help but wonder: If I were the one cooking all our meals, would I earn a cape too? Probably not.
Dad blogger Jake Thompson shared a reflective piece about how he once thought he deserved gratitude for nighttime baby duty, believing he was doing something extraordinary for stepping into a role typically associated with mothers. After some marital spats, he had his “aha” moment and realized he was being a bit oblivious.
This isn’t just a problem for clueless dads; it’s a societal issue. My partner is a true partner in parenting and household chores, yet responsibilities still seem to default to me without a second thought—from other parents, schools, and even the occasional doctor’s office. It’s almost as if I’m the designated caretaker by default, and sometimes, I even feel it coming from myself.
For instance, if one of our kiddos gets sick at school, they always call me first. When it’s time to discuss birthday parties or organize summer activities, my inbox is the one lighting up. When the kids need something in the dead of night, guess who they come to? Yep, me. I could go on, but my point is that the expectation for women to shoulder more of the household and childcare duties is still very much alive. There’s plenty of literature out there discussing how far we’ve come, but the truth remains: we’re not quite there yet.
Here’s the kicker: We also want recognition. Just like the dads do.
I’m the one who rises before the sun, brewing coffee, unloading the dishwasher, prepping breakfast, and sending the kids off with all their essentials. I ensure their wardrobe is ready for the changing seasons and handle birthday gifts for their friends. The list is endless. And, honestly, I’d love a little acknowledgment for it.
When my husband notices that I’m feeling frazzled and steps in to lighten my load, I express my gratitude. So why is it that my contributions feel like a given, while many dads expect applause for doing their part?
To me, it’s not about withholding thanks from dads; it’s about recognizing that managing a household, especially with kids in the mix, is equally taxing for everyone involved. We all deserve to be acknowledged for the daily grind. Whichever parent is up in the night with a crying baby or waiting up late for their teenager should absolutely receive a thank you. It’s a team effort, after all.
In summary, whether you’re juggling cooking, cleaning, or late-night parenting, both moms and dads deserve appreciation for their hard work. Everyone has their role, and it’s high time we celebrate that equally!