Here I am, nearly 32 years old, and I’ve yet to set foot in a spa. No manicures, no pedicures, and a massage? Not even close. My eyebrows look like two fuzzy caterpillars engaged in a rather intense battle.
Why have I avoided all this pampering? Partly because I don’t think I need it, partly because I really don’t, and partly because the whole idea terrifies me. Will it be painful? Am I supposed to feel pain? How do I even keep up with this stuff? Will the massage therapist judge me for my less-than-perfect skin? And what color polish is appropriate for toes?
But then I realized that treating myself isn’t just a luxury; it’s a necessity. As a mom, I desperately need moments of indulgence. Sure, eating nachos for dinner every night felt like a treat, but the waistband of my jeans is a harsh reminder that maybe it wasn’t the best idea.
So, I splurged on a face mask.
The label boasted “anti-stress,” and honestly, I didn’t care what bizarre ingredients were included; if it promised to relieve my stress, I’d slather it on like it was mayonnaise on a sandwich.
Here are 55 thoughts that crossed my mind before, during, and after this little self-care adventure… because, as a mom, I feel the need to document everything.
- How much of this stuff should I apply?
- Well, that wasn’t enough. Now I have to wash my hands and grab more.
- Does this go on my eyebrows?
- Oops, it’s on them now.
- And in my hair.
- Why am I putting this on my neck? Is something wrong with it?
- Did I miss a spot? What happens if some areas aren’t left on as long? Will my pores stay huge?
- Done! Now to wash my hands…
- I look like a seasick Smurf.
- Is it doing anything?
- I can’t tell if it’s working. Should I feel something?
- Wait. I need to chill. This is for me. Just relax.
- How long has it been?
- Did the little ones wake up?
- What if they wake up in an emergency and I can’t wash this off? Would I be stuck looking like a Smurf forever?
- Kids are still asleep. Just breathe.
- I’m getting bored.
- Is anything happening?
- Should I be doing something? Maybe I should shave my legs.
- No, just sit and unwind. Reflect on life.
- Actually, let’s check my phone.
- Nothing’s happening on Facebook or Twitter.
- Perhaps I should delete these apps and live in the moment.
- Oh! I think my skin is tingling. Is that normal?
- Now my face feels cold. Did I leave a window open?
- Okay, my face is chilly. Either the mask is working or I’m losing it.
- What is this mask doing, anyway? What’s seeping into my giant, soon-to-be microscopic pores? What have I done?!
- Huh, the coolness feels nice.
- I wonder if my partner would like to see me like this.
- He was probably joking when he said something about Smurfs, right?
- Is it dry yet?
- Lalalala…
- Oh! I bought a magazine. Time to flip through that.
- Who are all these people? Why don’t I know any of them?
- I’ve decided: I’m getting a subscription for my birthday. I should keep up with this.
- Can I write that subscription off on my taxes next year?
- Can I write off this mask too?
- Oh…my skin feels tighter. Is it drying?
- Is this what an eye lift feels like?
- Yep, it’s definitely tighter. I hope there aren’t tiny aliens tightening my skin for some experiment.
- If there are aliens, they better pay me for this.
- Okay, it’s dry everywhere but my neck. Should I leave that?
- Who cares about my neck? Time to wash this off.
- Why are the only clean washcloths the white ones?
- If this stains it, I will…do nothing about it.
- Rinse, rinse, rinse. Did I get it all?
- Missed a spot.
- Lightly patting my face dry…
- I can’t tell if anything’s changed. I couldn’t see my pores before!
- Oh…my skin is so soft…this feels fabulous.
- Stop touching your face. Oils are bad or something.
- Am I still stressed?
- No, I think I’m not. I relaxed, dang it. I did something for me! Good for me!
- Wait. Yes, I’m still stressed. But at least my skin feels nice.
- STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE.
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In summary, treating yourself—even in the form of a simple face mask—can be a delightful experience, full of amusing thoughts and unexpected revelations. It’s a reminder that self-care is essential, especially for parents who often forget to prioritize their well-being.