It was an ordinary sunny May afternoon when you called out to me from your side of the fence, which separates our yards. Even though my family had settled into our home for over a year, I wouldn’t have recognized you at the grocery store. You never took the time to welcome us to the neighborhood or learn my children’s names. Our one previous chat was a brief exchange where you suggested that adding mulch to my garden beds would help with the weeds. Thanks for the gardening advice, really.
But that day was different. You asked me to hush my kids, saying that you and your husband couldn’t sip your wine outside because of their noise. I nearly dropped my jaw in shock; I quickly apologized and ushered my children inside. On a beautiful May day, at 5 p.m., my kids burst into tears.
In that moment, Mama Bear instincts kicked in, and I stormed back outside. With my face flushed and my ponytail coming undone, I told you how your request had upset them. You replied that their noise was bothersome, and I countered, “But they’re just kids!”
Then you delivered what felt like the final verdict, Mommy to Mommy: “When my kids were rowdy, I’d just shush them with a finger to my lips. Why can’t you do the same? Children need to learn how to behave.”
I tried to explain that my kids know how to behave in restaurants and can sit quietly through Sunday Mass, even during the lengthy reading of the Passion of the Christ. They are kind, respectful, and sensitive at school. You looked at me as if I’d just sprouted a second head, incredulous that my little tornadoes could ever act appropriately. But I assure you, they are wonderful little humans. The catch? They’re not miniature adults; they’re kids! Part of nurturing their vibrant spirits is letting them be loud, muddy, and wild—letting them be free.
After our encounter, I found myself on edge, constantly worrying about my kids’ noise levels. They started to question themselves, and we all felt a little blue. But as I watched them play, I listened to their laughter, games, and songs. Here’s what you missed while your annoyance drove you indoors:
- They noticed a bumblebee trying to make a nest in our swing set. Even though they’re scared of bees, they called for me, anxious that it might be in trouble. It was a pivotal moment for them, and they needed assistance.
- Once they confirmed the bee was safe, they hopped on the swings, singing a delightful tune about the life of a bumblebee. They even incorporated bee facts, with my daughter passionately repeating, “Don’t pick the dandelions,” as a catchy chorus.
- My 4-year-old had a meltdown over candy. I hugged her while she processed her feelings, and eventually, she calmed down.
- Together with their 6-year-old friend, they turned the swing set into a base for a game called “Whales,” reenacting a real-life rescue mission that freed gray whales from ice in Alaska. It got intense when our 150-pound St. Bernard decided to join as the Bull Shark!
- My middle child filled the air with song while swinging for a solid 15 minutes. She might have been off-key, but she was shining on her little stage.
- We created goodie bags at the picnic table, with the kids happily tooting plastic flutes—it was more of a joyful cacophony than an orchestra!
We do have noise rules. I don’t let them outside too early, despite their eagerness to be out by 6 a.m. I respect you, after all. When they start squabbling and can’t sort it out, I bring them in for some quiet time. I don’t expect you to endure their squabbles, but I do believe they have a right to be kids in their own backyard, and I hope for your respect in return.
When you told my children to quiet down and called them annoying, it hurt their spirits. You were asking them to stop singing, laughing, and being joyful. For a moment, I almost sided with you.
I’m sorry you can’t enjoy your wine the way you’d prefer. Perhaps it’s time for you to reflect on whether a family-filled cul-de-sac is really the best place for you. Childhood is messy, loud, and perfectly imperfect, and that doesn’t make me a bad mother. In fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way. In a world filled with such serious issues—school shootings, bullying, and more—I will encourage my kids to embrace their youth for as long as possible.
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In conclusion, I hope we can find common ground as neighbors, allowing our children to thrive in their joyful, noisy, and beautiful childhood.