Boys will be boys. It’s a phrase that rings true, and while it may seem simplistic, it carries a profound meaning. Boys and girls are inherently different—not just in their physical attributes but also in their psychological and emotional expressions. The spirit of a young boy is filled with an insatiable urge to explore, to create, to play, and yes, sometimes to clash. Take my son, for example. He’s a delightful snuggle bug who loves deeply, often presenting me with treasures like pine cones and wiping away my tears when I’m feeling down. He’s a little gentleman at heart.
But he’s also a ball of energy who thrives on rough and tumble play. He loves to chase, tag, splash, and make as much noise as possible. Sometimes, his dinosaur roars even send the littlest ones running for cover! I can’t help but notice the way others react to his exuberance—like we’ve broken free from some sort of confinement just to disrupt their calm. Let’s be honest: those perfectly behaved kids are usually little girls. Comparing boys and girls is akin to comparing apples to bicycles; it’s simply not a fair or useful comparison.
I understand that discussions around gender differences can be sensitive, with many believing that behavior is taught rather than inherent. I get that. I used to think the same way, and I can only imagine the moms of more cautious boys reading this and shaking their heads in disagreement. But here’s the thing: I too had moments of doubt about the nature of boys.
As a girl myself, I wasn’t particularly rough and tumble. I was the quiet one, the anxious one, and I can’t recall ever hitting anyone on the playground. Yet, there I was, staring in disbelief at my own son as he engaged in physical play that involved hitting and roughhousing. I understand why others might view us with concern.
A significant issue we face today is society’s discomfort with unstructured play and physical interaction. Children don’t always need to be kept at arm’s length from each other. Those who prefer that distance are often the ones who will naturally gravitate away from more boisterous activities. It’s perfectly normal for my son to enjoy rough play, just as it is for your child to be more reserved. Every child is unique!
I remember a sand and water party we attended not too long ago. My son, then two years old, was in his element, making a delightful mess while splashing water and smearing sand on himself. Meanwhile, the only other child, a sweet little girl, was busy building pristine sandcastles. When the host expressed concern over my son’s behavior, I looked at him—pure joy radiating from his messy little face—and confidently said, “Yes, I want him to play that way. That’s exactly what I wish for him.” The host may have acknowledged his happiness, but she was clearly more focused on the clean-up than the joy of play.
It makes me wonder: are we stifling our children’s natural exuberance because it’s messy and inconvenient for us? I studied Gender Studies and Child Development in college, and I’m genuinely worried that our boys are being held back because they’re loud, energetic, and playful. Girls can also be rambunctious, yet their rough behavior is often excused because it’s perceived as atypical for them.
When we issue commands like “Hands off!” or “Quiet down!” to our boys, we suppress something fundamental to their nature. And while bullying should never be tolerated, we must recognize the vital difference between bullying and rough play. Encouraging that roughhousing is essential for a child’s development, not something to be minimized.
In the grand scheme, we need more opportunities for unstructured, physical play, not less. It’s crucial for our children to express themselves freely and joyfully in ways that may not fit into the tidy boxes we adults prefer.
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Summary
Boys and girls exhibit different behaviors, and it’s essential to embrace these differences rather than suppress them. Rough play is a natural part of childhood development and should be encouraged rather than stifled. As parents, we must recognize the joy and essential growth that comes from allowing our children to express themselves freely through play.