At 28, I found myself happily married to my high school sweetheart, with my first book published and a position as an adjunct professor at a university in New York City. Life was great, and I thought, why not add a baby to the mix?
Ah, the things they conveniently forget to mention about motherhood! It’s not just the usual stuff—like how every parenting book seems to offer advice that doesn’t quite fit your situation. Or that the intense love for your child can come hand-in-hand with a powerful urge to escape. And let’s not even start on the level of exhaustion you’ll face in those early months—trust me, you’ll never sleep the same way again, even when your little one finally pulls off that all-night sleep routine!
What really struck me, though, was the identity shift. One moment, I was a vibrant individual—partner, professional, and creative soul—and in the blink of an eye, I became MOM. Suddenly, being a mother overshadowed everything else, whether I liked it or not.
Then there’s the tricky part: figuring out how to be this new version of yourself while juggling diaper changes, looking like you just crawled out of a cave, all on a mere five hours of fragmented sleep.
This transition—this radical shift in how I viewed myself—was the most challenging aspect of new motherhood. I’ve seen it in my friends as they became moms, and I felt it deeply during my own early years.
It began one afternoon as I sat on the couch, cradling my newborn son, realizing that for the foreseeable future, my world would revolve around him. I had to make that work, but it wasn’t simple. There was pressure—both from myself and others—to return to my teaching role, which was seen as so prestigious. Yet, I slowly recognized my heart wasn’t truly in that career. Letting go of the dream of becoming a tenured professor was tough.
The biggest challenge? Trying to spend meaningful time with my kids without going completely broke. And dealing with the judgment from some folks regarding my choice to stay home—oh, they made that crystal clear. But I quickly learned it didn’t matter what others thought. Each mother’s path is unique, shaped by countless personal factors, and it’s essential for every mom to find what works best for her family.
Meanwhile, I was nursing at all hours, sleep-deprived, cleaning up messes, and surviving on yogurt thrown at my face—did I mention the sleep deprivation?
Breathe. Sigh.
Fast forward eight years since I first became a mother. Life has been so busy that I rarely had time to reflect on it all. Yet, the other day, as I pushed my 2-year-old in a stroller on a breezy April morning, I caught a glimpse of myself from the outside. “That’s a mother who’s found her groove,” I thought.
I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood—my journey has certainly been unique. We’re all evolving, each with our own challenges and ways of coping.
I wish someone had told me it’s perfectly normal to feel like the pre-baby version of yourself has shattered into a million pieces. I wish someone had explained that the love for my child would be a beautiful mess—intense, confusing, and sometimes downright terrifying.
Most importantly, I wish I had known that I would reclaim those scattered pieces of myself. I would gather them up, reassemble them, and emerge as a stronger, more resilient version of myself—a mother who shines, bends light, and creates rainbows.
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Summary:
Motherhood is a challenging yet transformative journey, marked by an intense shift in identity and the profound love for your child. It can be messy, exhausting, and filled with moments of self-doubt, but ultimately, you emerge as a stronger, more resilient version of yourself. Embrace the chaos and know that you’re not alone in this journey.