By: Mia Thompson
Updated: March 12, 2021
Originally Published: May 8, 2015
Last Friday, I suddenly found myself feeling nauseous. That afternoon, I had some cramps and a desperate need for a nap. So, I canceled my evening plans. Then I received this text from a friend: “Maybe you’re pregnant! Or maybe you just had undercooked chicken. It’s a thin line between pregnancy and salmonella.”
Oh, how true that is! As someone actively trying to conceive while indulging in questionable food choices (I’m looking at you, food trucks), I can’t help but wonder what Mother Nature was thinking when she came up with this whole process. It’s almost as if she has a sense of humor. And just to complicate things further, the symptoms of PMS are almost identical to those of early pregnancy. Hilarious, right?
Dear Mother Nature, you created the butterfly—a stunning creature filled with intricate designs and vibrant colors. Bravo! But really, couldn’t you have made it easier for us to distinguish between the beginnings of life, food poisoning, and PMS? Seriously?
Three Minutes Inside My Head:
I feel bloated. These jeans are too tight. I must be pregnant!
Oh wait, I just need to use the restroom. And these are size 4—who am I kidding? That’s better. Not pregnant. No way.
Why am I tearing up at this commercial? So emotional! I must be pregnant! But honestly, that commercial really was touching. Anyone would get misty-eyed over it, right?
But these cramps don’t feel normal. This isn’t what my period usually feels like. Or is it? I can’t even recall what my period is supposed to feel like. But I know I definitely don’t pee this often.
Except when I drink juice. Yeah, that’s always the case with juice, so it could just be that. But between the frequent bathroom trips and sore breasts, I’m convinced I’m pregnant. Unless my bra is too tight—which, combined with the juice, might explain it.
But that doesn’t explain this heightened sense of smell! I can smell EVERYTHING! Sure, my partner is munching on garlic bread, so that’s strong, but never THIS strong. Who has a nose this sensitive? Plus, I can’t believe how queasy I feel! What a good sign!
Unless it’s not, which it probably isn’t because that cheese I had for lunch was definitely expired.
Since Mother Nature isn’t making this easy for us, I’ve put together a handy reference guide to help us figure out whether we’re pregnant, dealing with food poisoning, or just experiencing our monthly cycle.
Quick Reference Guide:
- Cramps can happen with implantation, PMS, or food poisoning.
- Bleeding may occur due to either implantation or PMS.
- Vomiting could signal pregnancy or food poisoning.
- Constipation might be a sign of pregnancy or simply eating too many steak subs.
- Tender breasts could indicate either pregnancy or that you’ve been poking at them to see if they’re sore (which you’re obviously doing because it’s a clue).
- An increased body temperature can be a sign of food poisoning or ovulation.
- Feeling exhausted could mean you’re sick, pregnant, or just a mom with a toddler or binge-watching late into the night.
I hope this helps untangle the confusion. Seriously, Mother Nature, get it together! Even though you did a fabulous job with butterflies.
If you’re looking for more information on fertility treatments, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those interested in at-home insemination kits, visit this authority on the topic.
Summary:
Navigating the signs of early pregnancy, food poisoning, and PMS can feel like a wild ride. With symptoms that overlap, it’s easy to second-guess what’s happening in your body. From bloating to heightened sensitivity, knowing the differences can be confusing. But with a little humor and a handy reference guide, you can start to decode your body’s signals. Don’t forget to check out additional resources to support you on your journey.